Sockpuppet Monday!—Or Tell Your Favorite bin Laden Death Joke (Update: Memeorandum Juxtaposition)
[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here. Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]
Update: I am amused by this juxtaposition at Memeorandum:
Heh.
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Let’s face it, I am not going to be able to think about much more than the news about bin Laden. It’s like an inverse 9-11. On 9-11, we couldn’t think about more than the attacks, couldn’t talk about more. When I walked around the city everyone was having almost the same conversation. One of my psychopathic instructors tried to hold class but it was a no go. It probably didn’t help that I had many friends who only weeks before were working in the Towers as summer interns. And this is sort of like it, only happy!
So I will keep updating this post as a repository of stories and links (keep scrolling to the bottow), and this post will be used to either sockpuppet or to tell a joke about it all.
Obviously the usual rules apply. Try to switch back to your usual identities when posting on another thread. And please, try to be funny.
Here’s my favorite jokes so far:
From the Confederate Yankee (who accidentally calls the terrorist “Obama”): Osama’s last words to his wife; “You feed the goats. I’ll feed the fish.”
And Bill Hobbs writes: They buried bin Laden at sea. He’s got his 72 sturgeons.
Let’s keep this post a zero debate zone, except maybe debating the merits of one joke v. another. Let’s come together and laugh about this whole thing. It should be therapeutic.
[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]
Oh noes! the Seals are coming… better hide behind a woman!
Osama been Dead (e7d72e) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:29 pm“What did al-Qaida learn from Osama bin Laden’s death? Location, location, location.”
Yeah, I know. It’s the only one I’ve heard.
Interestingly, Seth Myers made a bin Laden joke at the White House Coresspondent’s Dinner. Obama laughed, but looking back on it now — knowing what Obama knew was in the works — it’s interesting.
Kman (5576bf) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:30 pmWhat do you call Osama Bin Laden’s bullet ridden corpse?
A start.
DohBiden (15aa57) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:34 pmThere was an old man named Osama,
Glen Wishard (2167a4) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:46 pmWho unexpectedly went to see Allah.
When asked “By what deed
Were you martyred, shaheed?”
He answered “Did you know you can’t hide under a waterbed? You know, they don’t tell you that when they sell you the damn thing.”
Glen Wishard is the greatest poet that ever lived. Next to him, I suck.
Percy Bysshe Shelley (2167a4) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:48 pmI must say I really enjoyed the right wingers reaction to Obama accomplishing in 2 years what Bush couldn’t in 8.
Hilarious. I especially liked the one about Obama blew it because he didn’t let anyone else take a picture of the corpse. Something that the dumbass who made the claim has no idea if true or not.
4 more years!
jharp (f8a6a3) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:49 pmAnyone else pissed off that the seafood supply has been contaminated?
Sushi Now Sucks (e26bf2) — 5/2/2011 @ 12:55 pmAbottobad?
Who’s hiding in Costellobad?
Sushi Now Sucks (e26bf2) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:00 pmFROM FACEBOOK:
Kman (5576bf) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:02 pmNo, Sushi. Who’s on first.
Kman (5576bf) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:02 pmWhat does killing Bin Laden have in common with getting a PH.d?
Sometimes they both take ten years to get the job done.
slipshod (d6aebe) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:20 pmI can’t think of anything funny.
Ayman al-Zawahiri (f8db02) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:22 pmThere’s some interesting (humorous) tagging on Google Maps.
Kman (5576bf) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:28 pmHere’s the “Dog Bites Man” version of the headline:
SEALS Feed Fish
There once was a bloke named Bin Laden,
d. in c. (1e48bc) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:45 pmWhose hands with Yank blood were quite sodden.
Til we kicked down his door
And then evened the score;
Now Sarah won’t have to send Todd in.
Osama bin Laden
Tully (62151d) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:55 pmwith shot at this feet
over the side
a carcharhinus treat.
After such a stunning mid-term military win over a hated mid-east foe, Obama is sure to win a second term.
George H. W. Bush (890cbf) — 5/2/2011 @ 1:55 pmI believe this one comes from a late-night comedian:
Why did it take so long for the President to announce the results of the attack?
He was waiting to make sure we notified Osama’s next of goat.
luagha (5cbe06) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:03 pmWelcome to the club, bro.
Achmed the Dead Terrorist (fb8750) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:09 pm“That’s the penalty for losing on Iron Chef-Pakistan.”
Chef Bobby Flay (848837) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:15 pmhow the raid REALLY went down…
redc1c4 (fb8750) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:20 pm“In a flagrant disregard for international law, and callous disregard for civilian Pakistanis, illegal American assassination squads today killed Osama bin Laden without even the benefit of a civilian trial.”
Oops, this just in…Obama did it? Disregard previous statement, please
MSNBC (848837) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:20 pmOsama bin Ladin… now chum for man-eating sharks.
M. Python (deceased) (58d2a4) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:22 pmPBUH.
“I will never eat something from the Arabian Sea now.”
Andrew (Bizarre Foods) Zimmer (848837) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:23 pmMe and him. Dis Guy Osama. He sleeps wid ‘da fishes too.
Luca Brasi (848837) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:27 pmHe could be pining for the fjords.
M Palin (73dcc9) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:27 pmDead? Impossible! He was here yesterday visiting my son.
M Atta's father (73dcc9) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:28 pmturns out that the last thing to go through Osama’s brain was a crab, not a bullet.
redc1c4 (fb8750) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:30 pmIn a rare and unusual form of Orthodox Judaism, six rabbis sat shiva for Osama bin Laden and laughed their asses off all day.
The Jerusalem Daily News (848837) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:31 pmOne of my favorites…
Last night after the Navy Seals completed their mission, Osama found himself at the pearly gates. There, George Washington greeted him. “How dare you attack the nation I helped build!” Washington yelled, punching Osama in the nose. Patrick Henry approached and says, “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry struck Osama on the kneecap with a large spiked hammer. James Madison came next, and said, “This is why I allowed the federal government to provide for the common defense!” He kicked Osama in the crotch. Bin Laden was subjected to a series of similar beatings from John Randolph, John Adams, James Monroe, and a steady procession of others. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picked him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed in panic, “This is not what I was promised!” An angel replies, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?”
aunursa (a2a019) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:35 pm“Tryin’ to take my throne, eh, you motherf**ker? Take THAT, You sum’bitch.”
King of Saudi Arabia (848837) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:37 pmCome and get us, big boy!
The 72 Virgins (325a59) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:44 pmI don’t want him you can have him he’s too tuna for me.
Virgin #73 (e26bf2) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:46 pmThis is soooo not kosher.
Charlie the Tuna (e26bf2) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:49 pmAt last, we will be reunited with our Master.
9/11 hijackers (a2a019) — 5/2/2011 @ 2:59 pmWhat do you mean he was just sitting around in his mansion, hiding behind a woman’s skirt, and too afraid of being caught to even put out a video once in a while? I thought Osama said jihad justified total sacrifice?
I guess we got hosed.
9/11 Hijackers (c16eca) — 5/2/2011 @ 3:05 pm“We haven’t heard from [Bin Laden] in a long time. I truly am not that concerned about him.” – President G.W. Bush, March 14, 2002
Aye Carumba!
Bart Simpson (9d1bb3) — 5/2/2011 @ 3:14 pmIntel gained from waterboarding isn’t really that good anyway. I promise to stop all that, and shut down Gitmo, and consider prosecuting the people behind that stuff. Invading countries unilaterally is unconstitutional.
Oh wait, what? I was elected? OK, ignore all that. Just do whatever Bush was doing… he clearly was the real leader, and I was just playing politics with national security for my personal benefit.
Barack Obama (c16eca) — 5/2/2011 @ 3:19 pmaunursa:
Sean Hannity told your joke on his radio show today.
Ag80 (9651c7) — 5/2/2011 @ 3:35 pmHere are some.
Len (143e4c) — 5/2/2011 @ 3:52 pmFor those who get the ref…
Bin Laden to sidekick: “Who ARE those guys?”
. . .
When hiding out deep in Abbottobad,
d. in c. (68ff46) — 5/2/2011 @ 3:55 pmEven phones are an unsafe habitobad.
You can live off the grid,
But the SEALs don’t kid,
And they’ll hunt your ass like a rabbitobad.
“OBL buried at sea? PBUH (Porkfish be on him)
Jaques Coustou (4a1023) — 5/2/2011 @ 4:03 pmI am so proud of my crack TSA screener team today, after they took out the Evil Mastermind armed with our special death ray screeners. We are ordering a million more!
Janet Napolitano (f8db02) — 5/2/2011 @ 4:38 pmTop ten good things about Osama being buried at sea:
1. We can all piss on his grave whenever we want.
2. We can throw bacon grease overboard and feel good about it.
3. Makes BP look better. At least the BP spill was just oil. Osama is pure evil.
That’s all I’ve got. Top three things, then.
starboardhelm (e93080) — 5/2/2011 @ 4:44 pmWhere’s our breakfast? What??? You gave it to the crabs!
Three little pigs (81cf34) — 5/2/2011 @ 4:47 pmObama finally earns his Nobel Peace Prize by bringing Bin Laden to peace with a unilateral targeted assasination carried out by the US military.
starboardhelm (e93080) — 5/2/2011 @ 4:53 pm^ LOL. Yeah, maybe he can get the Nobel Prize in Assassination Leadership. That’s not even a joke. We should have a prize for world leaders who get this kind of thing done. And we already know Obama likes prizes.
Dustin (c16eca) — 5/2/2011 @ 4:56 pm“Guess Osama shouldn’t have gotten that iPhone…”
“The US has said a video of Bin Laden – shot shortly before the raid – was expected to be released soon.
How shortly before the raid?
It ends with ‘And so we shall raid death upon the lands of the infi… Hey, is there someone outside?'”
Scott Jacobs (d027b8) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:29 pmOverseas contingency operation got Bin Laden killed.
DohBiden (15aa57) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:29 pm5/2/2011 S&P Index Value: 1,361.22
Change: 2.39 (0.18%)
Prev Close: 1,363.61
OBL is caught and killed, and the markets barely budget. Apparently, it was factored in.
TimesDisliker (83efab) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:30 pm*budge*
TimesDisliker (83efab) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:31 pm“The SEAL team that killed Bin Laden are scheduled to received to Navy Cross, Silver Star and Guinness Book record for most blow jobs received.”
Scott Jacobs (d027b8) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:33 pmNormally, the reward part is when the man throws the fish to the seals.
jim2 (151868) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:34 pmhahahaha
I guess Osama shouldn’t have input his address into his PS3.
Dustin (c16eca) — 5/2/2011 @ 5:36 pmlawrence o’donnell
ColonelHaiku (cdd0f9) — 5/2/2011 @ 7:53 pmcolonel think that all punch line
he will ever need
You know, signing up for 4square seemed like a good idea at the time…
Scott Jacobs (d027b8) — 5/2/2011 @ 8:03 pmI can’t wait for custom maps of this compound to show up on multiplayer games.
One guy could take turns hiding behind all the women to try to avoid the Americans.
It’s superhuman that these SEALs faced that many men in a hardened compound without losses.
Dustin (c16eca) — 5/2/2011 @ 8:12 pmOsama bin Laden sleeps with 72 virgin fishes!
The Codfather (fa004e) — 5/3/2011 @ 1:25 amOsama bin Laden.
redc1c4 (fb8750) — 5/3/2011 @ 2:17 amCan sleep with a dolphin.
The SEALS went and shot ‘im.
while Obama’s bin Golfin’.
Wasn’t Obama’s campaign theme song “Signed, SEALed, Delivered”? Cool.
Gotta give the guy at least some credit.
d. in c. (17012e) — 5/3/2011 @ 3:38 amOsama is dead.
Muslims are feeled with dread.
I hope Ahmadinejad eats lead.
DohBiden (15aa57) — 5/3/2011 @ 4:15 amBin Laden was dumped in the sea because there was no room next to Jimmy Hoffa, and Jimmy wouldn’t put up with Bin Laden.
PCD (3d09c7) — 5/3/2011 @ 4:33 amBin Laden’s mom should have been aborted.
DohBiden (15aa57) — 5/3/2011 @ 4:36 amSome muslims decry Osama’s death but yet say Osama is given them a bad name.
DohBiden (15aa57) — 5/3/2011 @ 4:56 amOsama got water over-boarded.
Beth in Texas (539905) — 5/3/2011 @ 7:10 am“No-we had no idea where he was. Oh…THAT house.
President of Pakistan (848837) — 5/3/2011 @ 11:14 am“Patric, is that a jelly fish?”
Sponge Bob Square Pants (fccc6f) — 5/3/2011 @ 11:23 amPatrick who is osama bin laden?
DohBiden (15aa57) — 5/3/2011 @ 11:35 amWho is in Costellobad?
Ayman al-Zawahiri.
Obviously.
Mark L (0556ba) — 5/3/2011 @ 1:16 pmThe best news is that sophisticated monitoring equipment has interpreted the thoughts of sharks in the Arabian Sea.
NickM (bcfebb) — 5/3/2011 @ 2:28 pm“Mmmmm. Wrapped in bacon.”
The drink of the week is called a Bin Laden…..
Two shots and a splash of water……
B'artender (2def3d) — 5/3/2011 @ 4:03 pmThe new drink in honor of Osama’s demise:
two shots and a splash of water
Laurie (ac0eaf) — 5/4/2011 @ 8:23 pm