Patterico's Pontifications

4/1/2011

Is Obama Secretly a Scientologist? Really?! (Or, “In Which I Break the Embargo on Politico…”)

Filed under: General — Aaron Worthing @ 6:26 am



[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here.  Or by Twitter @AaronWorthing.]

Now those who have followed me for a while know that previously I have stated that I doubted that Obama was a Christian (language warning at the link), but rather than believing him to be a Muslim like many Americans, I suspected he was just an atheist and didn’t want to admit it.  But I have to admit when I saw this item yesterday in the Washington Post, I was a little stunned.

In private conversations with White House staff, President Obama has recently admitted that he is follower of Scientology.  “He said that he had purged himself of all of his negative thetans and was declared ‘clean’ in 2004,” said a senior official who spoke on the condition of anonymity, “he attributes his meteoric rise in politics to achieving OT3 status.”

I mean I will emphasize I read it yesterday, but when I read it, I thought “is the Washington Post getting started on April Fool’s a day early?”  So figuring this story had to be wrong, or a joke, I didn’t bother to share it and ignored the many tweets I saw on the subject.  But then in this morning’s Politico we get verification of the story, which I will talk about in a moment.

So…  does it matter?  Well, first let me start by saying that Scientology is truly a religion.  I mean you know that South Park episode?  Well, by all appearances that South Park episode was pretty much accurate:

Scientology – South Park Style

Vezi mai multe video din animatie

You can even watch where they match up the South Park summary with actual words straight from L. Ron Hubbard’s mouth, here.  So according to them we are all screwed up because of alien souls, which means it is not science, but religion (because souls are involved).  But let’s be honest, that has to be the dumbest religion ever conceived of (well, I mean besides the one that says that if you murder innocent people you will get 72 virgins in Heaven, as though God was some sort of pimp).  Now of course our law cannot take into account the perceived silliness of a religion and there is no religious test for public office…

…but none of that applies to me, as a citizen, when in the voting booth.  I won’t say I would never vote for someone who adhered to this silly religion, but it is a very serious strike against them, even if I have no reason to believe it affects policy.

Oh, and it might be affecting policy, too.  From that Politico article:

“The President has actually said that this was one of his concerns in commencing his military action against Libya,” White House Chief of Staff William Daley explained, “he has stated several times that he considers Gaddafi to be one of Lord Xenu’s agents on Earth.”

Really, read the whole thing.  Sorry, no proxies this time, just read it.  But the creepiest revelation is this:

HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY SUCKAS!!!

(Pic taken from this site.)

And yes, that will be my one and only April Fool’s joke today.  How about in the comments you sound off on some classic April Fools gags you have pulled off.

[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]

17 Responses to “Is Obama Secretly a Scientologist? Really?! (Or, “In Which I Break the Embargo on Politico…”)”

  1. Tole y’all we be fooked ….

    Yeppers, plenny a’stwange peepl’z in da woyld. But, fair to say, the gwoop unda de-scusion … gets ta seet in da fwont wow [could tellya the story, ’bout a soytin ‘sweathog’, one day … when I was shoppin in Es Bee (but I won’t)].

    Elmo (bb95f3)

  2. That’s my post … and I’m standin by it (it’s really the first?).

    Elmo (bb95f3)

  3. Tell the truth, did i get you guys wondering for a moment? i tried my best to write the post just like i was responding to a real story.

    Aaron Worthing (e7d72e)

  4. Makes more sense than raging drooling Islamist, much more [no one believe’s me (waaah/snarf)].

    Plain, simple …. whackjob works for me.

    But the prism/filter/facet/angle of Islamist (his unshakable/unyielding belief … both his heart and mind). And looking through such. Explains ALL. Explains everything (yeah, do feel free to socialist/Marxist/anti-colonialist to your heart’s content though).

    But these days … TRAITOR getsit foh moi [ymmv/no libturds were harmed in the posting of this comment (ddddangit)].

    Elmo (bb95f3)

  5. Bravo! well done, PP!

    sarainitaly (f70ce5)

  6. I sent out a tip that Harry Reid was going to announce today that he was submitting an actual list of budget cuts today. The response started with a comment as to how unlikely it was, interrupted by the realization the the announcement was to be today.

    Sabba Hillel (dd522e)

  7. That was pretty good. Not gonna lie but I totally fell for it :)

    lowercaseM (9c232e)

  8. Thanks mainly to Aaron’s presentation, there was a moment where I was seriously entertaining the story (my assumption was that it was just more paranoid conjecture). The Politico bit was too ridiculous, even if it was from the rubbish Politico.

    Also, Obama is just too smart to be a Scientologist, unless he were in on the con itself.

    Obama fits the profile of a lot of Hollywood celebs. It’s actually a really funny dig at his vanity. But he’s no Will Smith or Tom Cruise or Drew Barrymore. I’ll give him that much.

    Dustin (c16eca)

  9. A waste of your time and everyone
    else’s.

    Aaron, please let me remind you
    of something. You aren’t Iowa
    Hawk, and most of the time, IH
    isn’t that funny, either.

    Jack (f9fe53)

  10. That’s just heresy, about Iowa Hawk. One is reminded of that late 1988 SNL sketch which
    suggested that Dukakis was an alien.

    narciso (b545d5)

  11. jack

    well, i promise not to do that again for another year…

    i maybe that is just what i want you to think…?

    And yeah, i am not going to quit my day job and start writing for SNL.

    And IH is more often clever than funny.

    narc

    my favorite dukakis moment on SNL was the cruel bit where he gets read to debate Bush and has to use a lift to make him look taller. It was painfully funny to watch. It might have cost him the election.

    Aaron Worthing (e7d72e)

  12. Ah, poor Dukakis. He tried so hard to be honest about what a spineless dweeb he was. Obama paid attention to that, I think.

    Jack, yes, April Fools gags are time wasters, but lighten up. And any time Scientology is mocked is quality time.

    Dustin (c16eca)

  13. Ha, Ha! You got me, i read above the fold and bought it, then started wondering an hour later. So I came back to finish reading it! Good job!

    Hal Dall, MD (afd713)

  14. Does Bawney Fwank have testicles?

    DohBiden (984d23)

  15. I think it helps if you actually fool people with the story. I remember the NPR story on Nixon coming back to run for President in the ’92 (IIRC) election, with Rich Little doing Nixon. One guy in my office (perhaps the most conservative) freaked out because he thought it was true. His response made the show infinitely funnier. I think your story would have worked better (been more credible) if it had given subtler evidence of Obama’s membership, rather than the claimed overt admission.

    DWPittelli (2ca9c8)

  16. I was an uncertain and suspicious believer – but a believer – towards the end.

    Until the Lord Xenu line.

    Only then did I know for sure that you were funnin’ us. ‘Cuz, nobody takes Lord Xenu’s name in vain like that – as a punchline, I mean – and lives more than a few hours longer. And here we were almost 24 hours after your post, and my information showed that you were still alive.

    bobby b (4baf73)

  17. “Does Bawney Fwank have testicles?”

    Comment by DohBiden — 4/1/2011 @ 4:22 pm

    Oh, Gawd!!! The visual!!!!

    You should be shot for this one.

    Jay H Curtis (8f6541)


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