Sockpuppet Thursday—The Pervy Ghost Cat Edition!
[Guest post by Aaron Worthing; if you have tips, please send them here.]
As usual, you are positively encouraged to engage in sock puppetry in this thread. The usual rules apply.
Please, be sure to switch back to your regular handle when commenting on other threads. I have made that mistake myself, alot.
And remember: the worst sin you can commit on this thread is not being funny.
————–
And last week I introduced a new idea: a poll to determine the best sock puppet from the week before. Well, the winner was… “If you don’t get a stiffy, your case will be iffy” by “Czechoslovakia Immigration Officer” obviously a joking reference to this post.
The winner, whoever you really are, gets the valuable prize of… respect.
And let’s do it again. Using one of those polling widgets, I have nominated (imho) the five best sock puppet comments from the last sockpuppet Friday (the fit in the poll code widget). So vote for what you think is the best. And be sure to look at all the options in the drop down menu before choosing.
[Posted and authored by Aaron Worthing.]
Ever since I was penetrated at Gitmo by that cat ghost… he never calls, he never writes. How can he hang my heart out to dry this way?
Walid Muhammed Hajj (e7d72e) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:28 amErr, today is Thursday.
Mike K (568408) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:38 amRelax, I was just checking for Gerbils.
Ghost Cat (8096f2) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:45 amB-b-but, the seven stations in New Zealand showed a 0.9C temperature increase in 131 years.
Newton.twit (e7577d) — 12/23/2010 @ 11:10 amIf it weren’t for me and my birthday, none of you would be getting any presents this year.
Jesus Christ (019671) — 12/23/2010 @ 11:47 amBeing ignored all year is bad enough, but during the holidays is just too much. Goodbye, cruel world.
A Lot, clutching a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels while clumsily loading the gun (b5428c) — 12/23/2010 @ 12:02 pmWhy does the “brown water” always appear where I am vacationing? Is it me?
Barack Obama (b334e9) — 12/23/2010 @ 12:48 pmIt never rains in southern California.
Albert Hammond (b334e9) — 12/23/2010 @ 12:51 pmObama’s in Hawaii with all those brown people.
Joe Biden (848837) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:05 pm“Just thought I’d drop across the river for a cup of coffee and pick up a bazooka or two.”
Mexican Cartel drug lord (848837) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:08 pm“Will wage sacred nukular war for spare change or food.”
Kim Jong-Il (848837) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:10 pmWe get to do whatever we want. Screw the Courts. screw Congress. We deem what we do appropriate.
FCC (07faa1) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:14 pmWhere’s your global warming now, bitches?
Mother Nature (ed7a50) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:19 pmSo…I can go and pimp my boy out to the highest bidder, and as long as my boy pretends not to know he won’t get punished if we get caught?
Every future athlete's father (ed7a50) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:26 pmHow in the hell did I get away with putting a joke about dominance sex on prime time TV every five minutes and no one complained?
Jack in the Box (ed7a50) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:27 pm“You gotta wake up your man in the White House.”
Kent Terry (fb8750) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:32 pmsometimes you’re better off fed you’ve a cupcake in hand and it’s pointing at your head
happyfeet (fd4f3b) — 12/23/2010 @ 1:50 pmOk, Obama boy I’m out of here. Please note I gave you some end of the session victories that no one really cared one way or the other about.
Harry Reid (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 2:48 pm“He’s done more damage in the last two years than any other president.”
— There! Fixed that for me.
Janet Napping-on-the-job (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:09 pmHey! Where that homeland security carpet-licker be at?
Day 365 (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:11 pmYou vill not consume you the Christmas cookies!
Michelle the Nutrition Czar (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:17 pmZe fruitcake is verboten!!!
That’s NOT an achor tattooed on my forearm!
Openly-serving sailor (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:20 pmOh God. I can’t wait until Valentine’s Day.
very happy third 'foot' (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:22 pmSarah! Sarah!!! Be mine. Please be mine?
Me read calendar good.
MySpecialEdK (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:24 pmMy cellmate said he’s gonna open my a$$ like a present.
Kwanzaa Kilpatrick (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:34 pmSay what you will about my late son. He was well-hung.
Bernie Madoff (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:36 pmIn light of the recent law signed by the president, the Corp will establish a GayLesbian unit to guard the president and fly Marine One and then to any democratic congressman or senator traveling overseas.
Marine Commandant (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:39 pmWhat did we
Pet Shop Boys (b5428c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:56 pmWhat did we
What did we do to deserve this
What’s that? GITMO? Drem Act? Stop tryin’ to harsh my mellow, dude! I just kicked me sum major azz!!!
Da Prez (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 3:58 pmFrom carpet-bombing to carpet-licking. Sanity at last, you losers!
VietnamEraVet (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:01 pmYes, you guessed right. The real acronym for my new network is One Woman’s Narcissism.
Orca (or, when I'm on a diet, Okra) (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:05 pmI just dropped a lump of ‘coal’ in my man-stockings. I call it my Special Doody Comment.
Olbermonkey (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:08 pm“Dream Act”. Man, I gotta stop hitting that egg nog pipe!
Da Prez (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:09 pmHey Johnny boy, now that all of my stuff has been moved out into the hall while they repaint the minority office an off pink… Can I come over and stroke the gavel?
Nancy P (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:11 pmSorry Nancy, I can’t have any liberal democrats playing with my junk.
Incoming Speaker (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:13 pmI’m looking forward to that TSA “pat down” (aka feel up) when I fly back home now. More than I get from the hubby.
Nancy P (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:15 pmIt’s my victory party and I’ll cry if I want to….
Johnny B (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:21 pmYou Dems would cry too if it happened to you…
Hey Harry, thanks for all of your help on that mindless BS crap for the lefties. I’m off to the sun and fun. Nothing like a worthless victory for a send off.
Obama Man (0cd6a2) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:27 pmLondon…ah, London, Minnesota…oh, London…like in England. Yeah, what’s going on there? You might want to ask the guy in charge of Homeland Security. What? It’s a woman? Damn!
James Clapper, DNI (e7577d) — 12/23/2010 @ 4:41 pmDear Commandant of the Marine Corps: I don’t think that there’s any such thing as an un-gay lesbian.
LTC Victor Fehrenbach, USAF (bd7e62) — 12/23/2010 @ 5:02 pmIn the name of the great Russian people, your allies in the Great Patriotic War, I would like to thank the Honorable Members of the United States Senate for their careful consideration and ratification of the New START treaty. It will usher in a new era of peace and understanding between our people.
Suckers!
Vladimir Putin, Prime Minister of the Russian Federation (bd7e62) — 12/23/2010 @ 5:06 pmThe Prez wings off to hawaii and I get to head to Searchlight. Actually, I’ll be staying at my luxury condo in Vegas. Waited on hand and foot by all the peons that voted for me.
Hairy Reed (b334e9) — 12/23/2010 @ 5:37 pmFor a burned spy, I got a pretty sweet gig.
Anna Chapman (6075d0) — 12/23/2010 @ 5:43 pmI am mocking you bitter clingers while I vacation in Hawaii while my failed policies continue to destroy the backbone of the economy.
Emperor Obama (07faa1) — 12/23/2010 @ 6:21 pmSee ya, filibuster.
Hairy Reed (07faa1) — 12/23/2010 @ 7:57 pmAssange. FCC Chairman. A trend is rapidly developing.
Julian (07faa1) — 12/23/2010 @ 8:10 pmThank God that Assange came along to replace me as the most worthless thing in Britain.
The Emperor (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 8:29 pmNo, I mean I really did leave my purse at home.
Barney Frank (ffd877) — 12/23/2010 @ 8:30 pmMy new nickname is Ghost Cat. How do you like it?
Barney Frank (ffd877) — 12/23/2010 @ 8:31 pmWillie, The Racist Hilljack (Inspired by JD and Puff the Magic Dragon)
Willie the racist hill jack – lives in a holler.
With lutes and cats and patchouli hats and tubs of pai – ey – ah.
Musician is his moniker – at a fourth rate Tennessee school
Hikes by lakes and brownie bakes conceal a link crazed tool.
Willie hates Republicans – and conservatives to boot.
He thinks they’re crazed and should be tazed, and burned with a hemp rope loop.
Religious folks are morons – and libertines are cruel.
He’d like to stamp them to a camp with barracks, guards and gruel.
(Oh)
[chorus]
One day to his amazement – upon the intratubes.
Willie seized the net world breeze of blogging like a fool,
and then in passing wonder – some Google links he found.
Now he could shreik and raise a stink without a minor sound!
(Oh)
[chorus]
So Willie started typing – his hatred of George Bush,
With links and bolds and jello molds he kicked him in the tush.
Soon he was rewarded – with Hope and Change galore.
Willie’s liberal fantasies became his prix du jour.
(Oh)
[chorus]
Willie bid farewell to – his bloggy ornery id.
He said goodbye, he might have cried, content with Barry the kid.
But evil right wing loonies – clawed at Willie’s guy.
With tears of rage he turned a page and baked some link-fu pie.
(Oh)
[chorus]
Now Willie haunts the bloggers – who dare to criticize
His hero Bar and then they dare to say he’ll socialize,
the country and it’s people! – “What’s wrong with that?” Will says.
“The smart guys know that you guys blow and should be locked away!”
(Oh)
[chorus]
So Willie vomits linkies – from favorite Liberal sites.
He throws Fox News a bone or two with ‘Thuglicans in his sights.
Most of the links don’t matter – to the topic close at hand,
With forty names he’s a royal pain like crotch rot smeared with spam.
(Oh)
[chorus]
Sockpuppets Anonymous – have begged him to come in.
Google moans and bloggers groan at all the linky din.
But Willie just keeps plugging – in all familar ways.
With many names and not too sane he’ll be a tool today!
(Oh)
[chorus] fini
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wik2uc69WbU
Peter, Paul, and Mary (07faa1) — 12/23/2010 @ 8:51 pmI’d have a s’more or two with Sarah Palin. Or three. Maybe four. Okay, five’s my limit. Honestly. Just five.
Dr. Regina M. Benjamin (ffd877) — 12/23/2010 @ 8:55 pmShe could marsh my mallow anytime!
Madcow (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:28 pmWho is this “Willie” of which you speak?
Yelverton the Deliberately Obtuse (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:30 pmThis isn’t about any of you. It’s all about ME!!!
Kanye (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:33 pmYeah, I know. I’m stuck in a loop where I have no choice but to keep breaking up with guys in order to generate new material. Oh well. That’s show biz!
Taylor (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:36 pmLook here, AP. I just had my nails done. Don’t they look cool?
..!.. ..!..
Mrs. Palin (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:38 pmIf Kanye tries to interrupt one of my acceptance speeches, I’ll kick his f***ing a**!!!
Betty White (5f649c) — 12/23/2010 @ 10:45 pmHow many times do I have to tell you, you ignorant dolt?
They aren’t just “peons“, they’re “wretched peons“!
For cryin’ out loud, can’t you get ANYTHING
Barney "Fifesucker" Franx (31f4bd) — 12/23/2010 @ 11:33 pmrightcorrect?Wrong, you fool!! It’s about neither the re nor the me — it’s all about the dough!!
King George I (formerly Soros) of America (31f4bd) — 12/23/2010 @ 11:36 pmResearchers at Liberty University have proven that marijuana does not turn you into the homosexuals, so pot is A-OK.
Puff Daddy Robertson (f72f61) — 12/24/2010 @ 2:21 amHey, guys, I’m on Fox & Friends, right now, wearing a killer Christmas green dress, showing off my awesome legs and about as much cleavage as I can get away with! See ya!
Ainsley Earhardt (bd7e62) — 12/24/2010 @ 4:50 amDeep breaths, John. Deep breaths.
Not you — Ainsley. She needs to keep taking deep breaths for her on-the-air examination.
EyeNoU (5f649c) — 12/24/2010 @ 5:26 amJust to prove that, as governor of a state (New Mexico) that consistently ranks as one of the 5 worst states for crime rates, I’m taking an extremely tough stance against lawbreakers — I’m gonna pardon Billy the Kid.
Take that, Huckabee! No way is this guy gonna commit a future crime that will embarrass me!
Outgoing Gov. Bill Richardson (5f649c) — 12/24/2010 @ 5:36 amI once saw a psychic …. To warn her
Dos Equis Guy (a6e3aa) — 12/24/2010 @ 6:13 amI’m all better now, except for the anal leakage.
Lt. Dan Choi (e7577d) — 12/24/2010 @ 8:22 am