Patterico's Pontifications



Filed under: Humor — DRJ @ 12:15 pm

[Guest post by DRJ]

From an email I received today:

After being married 25 years, one day I took a look at my wife and said, “Honey, do you realize 25 years ago, I had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. “Now, we have a nice house, a nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things!”

Now my wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed …

I shut up and took out the trash. Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis!


18 Responses to “Perspective”

  1. Roses are red, violets are blue
    this is a really funny email

    The Seriously Inferior Haiku (b54cdc)

  2. I have an uncle who used to say, “When my wife turns forty, I will trade her in for two twenty-year olds”. Except, that she beat him to the punch, and ran away with her twenty-six year old teaching assistant. It’s a big joke in the family. 😉

    nk (db4a41)

  3. DRJ, every time my 54 year old wife touches me, I get to remember that 25 year old blonde….

    Still the same touch…..and I do love it so….


    reff (176333)

  4. off topic, but new developments on the drilling moritorium.

    Aaron Worthing (A.W.) (e7d72e)

  5. When my wife turned 40, I told her it was time to trade her in on two 20s.

    She said I wasn’t wired for 220.

    Virtual Insanity (1d2640)

  6. My wife had her midlife crisis a little early and ran away from home just before she turned 40, with my brand new car. Repossessed the car, so now I have a big bed all to myself, as well as a new car.

    Running away from home at 40 isn’t real bright.

    EW1(SG) (edc268)

  7. This thread started off really funny and now it’s getting a little depressing.

    Dustin (b54cdc)

  8. True, deep, abiding love, is when you find someone who you will love when everything is sagging, on both of you, and will love you too.

    Aaron Worthing (A.W.) (e7d72e)

  9. call me a pushover, but tomorrow is my anniversary, so i am entitled.

    Aaron Worthing (A.W.) (e7d72e)

  10. I would not think of saying anything of that sort to my lovely bride of 16 (better than I deserve)years…Because she would kill me…And she knows which defense attorney to hire to ensure acquital.

    Dudeman (232edd)

  11. Here’s another old joke: A woman returns from her annual check-up and proudly says to her husband, “Guess what? The doctor said that I have the legs of a nineteen-year-old.”

    “Big deal,” was the husband’s reply.

    “And he also said that I had the breasts of a nineteen-year-old,” the woman added.

    “Yeah, well did he say anything about your fifty-five-year-old ass?” retorted the husband.

    She replied, “No, he didn’t get around to mentioning you.”

    JVW (a52530)

  12. A guy wins big on the lottery and calls home to his wife of 35 years.
    “Honey, my numbers came up. Start packing.”
    Anticipating a nice trip, she replied, “Should I pack for warm weather or cold?”
    “I really don’t care…just don’t be there when I get home…”

    Gazzer (800a42)

  13. My wife takes out the trash… and I shut up… and watch the real housewives of…. some damn place… well, I look in the direction of the tv and try not to have murderous thoughts.
    If she gets up to go to the bathroom during a commercial, I change the channel and blame the dog for stepping on the remote or I say I must’ve sat on it…. sometimes that works if it’s a rerun

    She has the legs of a 20 yr old, the boobs ditto and the butt too… even after two kids.
    So when she turns it back to people I’d love to ship to the Taliban I shut up…

    SteveG (fcf23f)

  14. 78-year old patient goes to see his doctor. He has a beautiful young woman with him, they’re stuck together like white on rice, and laughing their hearts out.

    The doctor asks, “Mr. Smith, what’s going on?”

    The patient says, “I followed your advice, Doctor. I got a hot mama and I’m cheerful”.

    The doctor says, “No, you deaf old [person], I told you ‘You have a heart murmur, be careful'”.

    nk (db4a41)

  15. Moving and building a new home is a strain on the strongest relationships.

    JD (0e735f)

  16. 0> happy anniversary dear I hope you like the diamond necklace
    0+ not really what I wanted dear
    0> Ill get you something else no worries
    0> (returns) here is a lovey fur coat dearest happy anniversary?
    0+ no thanks not what I had in mind
    0> dear, I bought you diamonds, fur… what more could you want?
    0+ a divorce
    0> forget it– we can’t afford it!

    drone (89c826)

  17. My kid mailed me a card from the Academy commissary that started off on the front with..

    “Dad, you know how all those Crazy TV families that somehow have that one exceedingly normal person…”

    I open the card and it says…

    ” We need to get one of those!”

    EricPWJohnson (45c459)

  18. An old married couple is celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary.

    Mabel says, “John, come upstairs and make love to me.”

    John replies, “One or the other Mabel; I can’t do both!”

    Jay Dean (2880ae)

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