Patterico's Pontifications


Note to Self: Take the Stairs

Filed under: Crime — DRJ @ 4:41 pm

[Guest post by DRJ]

An Austin man sentenced to prison after he failed a urine test learned the hard way not to make his escape via the courthouse elevator:

“Brandon Tuff, 21, pleaded guilty in May to possession of a controlled substance after a police affidavit accused him of selling crack cocaine to a police officer downtown. Tuff did not have a plea bargain, meaning state District Judge Charlie Baird could sentence him up to the maximum for the crime — two years in state jail.

Baird assigned Tuff to what he calls his “Friday morning pee team.” That means that Tuff was one of a list of defendants who were ordered to show up on Friday mornings to take drug tests, which the judge would ultimately use to determine their sentence.

When Tuff, who had been free on bond, showed up for court today, he tested positive for cocaine, Baird said. Baird called him to the bench and announced the two-year sentence.

At that point, according to Baird’s bailiff Art Guerrero, Tuff’s girlfriend cried out from the courtroom gallery and Tuff turned and ran for the door.

Guerrero said he tried to tackle Tuff but that Tuff slid away. Guerrero said he and sheriff’s deputy Mark Smith then ran after Tuck, finding him waiting for an elevator.”

That wasn’t the end of the story since neither the defendant nor his girlfriend gave up easy.


11 Responses to “Note to Self: Take the Stairs”

  1. Waiting for an elevator.

    Do the drugs make you stupid of do you do the drugs because you are stupid?

    Have Blue (854a6e)

  2. Yes!

    AD - RtR/OS! (688ffe)

  3. Are you sure the defendant’s name was not Chris Hooten?

    daleyrocks (1d0d98)

  4. guy’s last few brain cells
    last seen fleeing young nitwit
    in hot yellow stream

    ColonelHaiku (9cf017)

  5. #1 Have Blue:

    Do the drugs make you stupid of do you do the drugs because you are stupid?

    To elaborate on AD’s answer, addiction affects a very primitive part of the brain, the survival responses~and is reprogrammed into recognizing the drug of choice as necessary for survival, no matter how stupid that seems to the rest of us. In other words, if you weren’t stupid already, you will be; or, as AD said, yes.

    EW1(SG) (edc268)

  6. cannot be hooten
    hooten not tootin’ although
    clear could be shootin’

    ColonelHaiku (9cf017)

  7. You’d have thought he would at least have watched a Jason Bourne movie or two.

    Gesundheit (6acc51)

  8. Some advocate counciling and treatment,but there is no cure for stupid.

    dunce (3ef93a)

  9. After a few more tries, he’ll be eligible for a Darwin Award.

    AD - RtR/OS! (688ffe)

  10. Perhaps, in a rare by required move, the Congress could complete a budget and the appropriations bills on time as required by the 1974 Congressional Budget Act.
    I know asking Congress to actually do their job is a lot to ask and doing so is such a long and boring endeavour, but we could have Michael Jackson’s doctor come in and pass out enough drugs so even the late Robert Byrd could still vote.

    Neo (7830e6)

  11. Wow! Ridiculously funny story, and the comments are pretty funny too!

    Bebe Totaro (430949)

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