Patterico's Pontifications

4/19/2010

Dear Prudence

Filed under: General — DRJ @ 10:39 pm



[Guest post by DRJ]

The Washington Post and Slate host an advice column called Dear Prudence aka Emily Yoffe. I’m not a regular reader but most questions seem to focus on the recurring problems of rude, greedy, impatient, or just plain human people. However, the following two entries from today’s column make me realize how different some problems are now than when I grew up:

  • Boston: My ex is dating a friend of mine. The ex is admittedly attracted to pubescent girls (11-14 years old)—though he swears he hasn’t and wouldn’t act on the attraction. I am sure he has never told this to anyone else. My friend he is dating has an 11-year-old daughter. Do I have to say something to my friend?

    Emily Yoffe: Is this the reason the guy is your ex? There’s a certain privilege attached to the intimate exchanges of a couple that should last even after the affair ends. However, I think there’s a more compelling need here to alert your friend that there are some ugly subterranean depths to her new beau that she will probably never hear about from him. You will want to couch this by saying you have nothing but best wishes for her, and you have no problem with them being involved. But given that she has a young daughter in the house, she needs to be extra vigilant with this boyfriend.

  • Philadelphia: How do you respond to someone who says, essentially, why didn’t my spouse and I get invited to your recent dinner party? This person saw comments on Facebook regarding said event and now apparently demands to know why they weren’t invited. For background information, they’ve been guests in my home before, but this time I just didn’t have the space available for people I now consider acquaintances largely because they never do the inviting or planning of events but instead appear to expect an invitation to what others are hosting.

    Emily Yoffe: You can say you look forward to having them over another time, while silently saying to yourself, “Hey, cretins, you’re never coming over again because, first of all, you never reciprocate, and now you’re monitoring my social life and demanding to be included in my events!” Your friends are boors, but this raises a delicate issue about Facebook. If you belong to a social network in which all your friends can monitor your doings, it’s incumbent upon you and others not to “talk” in front of everyone about social events only a few people are invited to.

  • There was also a question about why people like to touch pregnant womens’ bellies. It’s nice to know some things never chance.

    — DRJ

    16 Responses to “Dear Prudence”

    1. It’s nice to know some things never chance.

      what about Tinker and Evers?

      redc1c4 (fb8750)

    2. I do find it almost irresistible to pat a pregnant woman’s belly and I’m afraid it might get me into trouble one day. Is it a pheromone thing?

      nk (db4a41)

    3. NK, likely!

      GM Roper (6afe02)

    4. There was also a question about why people like to touch pregnant womens’ bellies. It’s nice to know some things never chance.

      I’d like to know?

      Alta Bob (e8af2b)

    5. Re: #2
      I like to see newborns continue to live, without fear that their mothers will perform a post-partum abortion on them — ya know?

      Icy Texan (484da8)

    6. DRJ, regarding the two examples you cited, the first one might be a more prevalent problem now because of higher divorce rates, but it still existed when you were growing up. The second one is nothing new at all; Facebook has replaced gossiping over the backyard fence, that’s all.

      Icy Texan (484da8)

    7. How do you feel about spanking as a teaching tool?

      nk (db4a41)

    8. Boston comes put of this looking like a psycho I bet you money. You don’t tell somebody they’re dating a child molester butcept oh one thing he hasn’t for reals molested anybody I just wanted you to know cause I’m your friend hey why you never call we should hang out more just not with your boyfriend cause that would be awk

      ward.

      happyfeet (71f55e)

    9. I’m not trying to threadjack; you can feel free to not try it either.

      Icy Texan (484da8)

    10. Maybe she should ask the mother of Samantha Runnion. The murderer had molested two girls in the same apartment complex. The mother had testified against him but jury didn’t convict because they wouldn’t accept the girls’ word. He came back to get revenge on the two girls but found Samantha, instead.

      Mike K (2cf494)

    11. However, the following two entries from today’s column make me realize how different some problems are now than when I grew up:

      It’s nice to know some things never chance.

      Actually, the problems are still the same. They have not “CHANGED”. Funny how you don’t realize it.

      Debatable (c1edfb)

    12. Actually, the problems are still the same. They have not “CHANGED”. Funny how you don’t realize it.

      Comment by Debatabl


      Hi, debatable
      .

      Dustin (b54cdc)

    13. Icy Texan:

      DRJ, regarding the two examples you cited, the first one might be a more prevalent problem now because of higher divorce rates, but it still existed when you were growing up. The second one is nothing new at all; Facebook has replaced gossiping over the backyard fence, that’s all.

      I think your Facebook-backyard gossip comparison is excellent, although the means of communication is new. But I don’t agree the first example is nothing new. Sexual interest in children existed 40 years ago but we didn’t debate the propriety of outing its practitioners.

      DRJ (09fa6c)

    14. Debatable:

      Actually, the problems are still the same. They have not “CHANGED”. Funny how you don’t realize it.

      I know you’re angry about my earlier comment. I’m sorry I was rude.

      DRJ (09fa6c)

    15. Boston: Whether it’s 40 years ago or today, the basic rule of thumb regarding dating one being sexually interested in children remains the same as it always has: Tell your friend to RUN!

      If you *even* have to ask….

      Dana (1e5ad4)

    16. Here’s how Planned Parenthood answers in it’s new “Happy, Healthy and Hot” booklet the question of how to inform one’s sexual partner that you have AIDS:

      You know best if and when it is safe for you to disclose your status.

      There are many reasons that people do not share their HIV status. They may not want people to know they are living with HIV because of stigma and discrimination within their community. They may worry that people will find out something else they have kept secret, like they are using injecting drugs, having sex outside of a marriage or having sex with people of the same gender. People in long-term relationships who find out they are living with HIV sometimes fear that their partner will react violently or end the relationship.

      [snip]

      Some countries have laws that violate the right of young people living with HIV to decide whether to disclose…These laws violate the rights of people living with HIV by forcing them to disclose or face the possibility of criminal charges.

      [snip]

      Young people living with HIV have the right to sexual pleasure.

      source: http://www.ippf.org/NR/rdonlyres/B4462DDE-487D-4194-B0E0-193A04095819/0/HappyHealthyHot.pdf

      The booklet goes on to reinforce an HIV positive person’s right to sexual enjoyment without guilt.

      We’ve come a long way since Dear Abby told girls to keep their knees together…

      in_awe (44fed5)


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