Patterico's Pontifications

8/22/2009

This Just In … (Updated)

Filed under: Humor — DRJ @ 12:01 pm



[Guest post by DRJ]

In my inbox today:

Democrats, realizing the success of the President’s “Cash For Clunkers” rebate program, have revamped a major portion of their National Health Care Plan.

President Obama, Speaker Pelosi, and Sen. Reed are expected to make this major announcement at a joint news conference later this week. I have obtained an advanced copy of the proposal which is named “CASH FOR CODGERS” and it works like this…

“Couples wishing to access health care funds in order to pay for the delivery of a child will be required to turn in one old person. The amount the government grants them will be fixed according to a sliding scale. Older and more prescription-dependent codgers will garner the highest amounts.

Special “Bonuses” will be paid for those submitting codgers in targeted groups, such as smokers, alcohol drinkers, persons 10 pounds over their government-prescribed weight, and any member of the Republican Party.

Smaller bonuses will be given for codgers who consume beef, soda, fried foods, potato chips, lattes, whole milk, dairy products, bacon, Brussels sprouts, or Girl Scout Cookies.

All codgers will be rendered totally useless via toxic injection. This will insure that they are not secretly resold or their body parts harvested to keep other codgers in repair.”

This is a joke, of course, but the best humor always has an element of truth.

UPDATE: The Michigan fellow in this photo (scroll down to the 4th photo) must have gotten the same email I received.

— DRJ

20 Responses to “This Just In … (Updated)”

  1. If Congress isn’t too busy, here’s a simple law that they could pass:

    From now on, whenever a politician says the phrase “spending cuts”, they must surround it with “air quotes”

    I think it would clear up a lot of confusion.

    JayC (c73ed4)

  2. Heh. I like it.

    DRJ (3f5471)

  3. What about codgers who buy skim milk at Whole Foods?

    Federal Dog (2db423)

  4. This will not apply to any “codgers” convicted of taking the life of another – they must be protected and preserved at all costs!

    AD - RtR/OS! (48b300)

  5. This is a joke, of course, but the best humor always has an element of truth. Which explains the success of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert so very well.

    DCSCA (9d1bb3)

  6. What about codgers who buy skim milk at Whole Foods?

    Obviously they are traitors (they are shopping at stores run by that filthy, hand-biting bastard Mackey), and thus must be “recycled”.

    Scott Jacobs (d027b8)

  7. The element of truth is your being a cog in a disinformation campaign.
    And you know it.
    Loser, sore, one each unless otherwise specified by number. (Only the vets will get that one.)

    Larry Reilly (45c8f2)

  8. If Mary believes that that nomenclature is “strictly military” he has led a very sheltered life,
    or (as is most likely) he doesn’t absorb information easily.
    I wopuld turn him in, but I don’t think I’ll get a very large credit for my account.

    AD - RtR/OS! (48b300)

  9. Larry – That was incredibly deep and profound. I didn’t know you had it in you. You obviously haven’t had your cocktail quota yet. Get to it!

    daleyrocks (718861)

  10. Oops…how did that “p” get in there?
    Must have got “wee weed”.

    AD - RtR/OS! (48b300)

  11. It’s funny, but why do I get the feeling that “Soylent Green” may not be fiction in the not – too – distant future?

    “Soylent Green’s made out of people! It’s made out of people!”

    Dmac (e6d1c2)

  12. Larry Reilly:

    The element of truth is your being a cog in a disinformation campaign. And you know it.

    Doesm’t that make you a cog in Obama’s disinformation campaign?

    DRJ (3f5471)

  13. Rush coined it, “Cash for Caskets” on his program on Thursday. I like “Cash for Codgers” better, although the “Caskets” quote in all likelihood covers the young but infirm, thus unproductive, members of society.

    rls (e58293)

  14. I didn’t realize this was from Rush Limbaugh, rls. Thanks for sharing that information. It’s getting around fast.

    I’ve also updated the post with an Instapundit link that has a related photo.

    DRJ (3f5471)

  15. Speaking of stuff that will make you laugh…

    Video of a recess rally.

    Keep in mind that this was in Chicago…

    Scott Jacobs (d027b8)

  16. This is a pretty hilarious gag, but what’s funnier is that the actual cash for clunkers program is being cancelled again amid evidence of the incompetence of the Obama administration. So badly planned was the program, that the administration actually was taking people from the FAA air traffic control unit to process applications.

    Air traffic control lost workers so that the cash for unions program could be run … and run badly.

    Unbelievable.

    SPQR (26be8b)

  17. We ARE being led by the Best and the Brightest!

    AD - RtR/OS! (48b300)

  18. We ARE being led by the Best and the Brightest!

    “The country is in the very best of hands.”

    Scott Jacobs (d027b8)

  19. The People’s Cube did the same parody as a poster:

    http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=3817

    Yehudit (5fddd9)

  20. I will miss Cash for Clunkers. How about we give people cash for every bad public policy ideas they turn in, so that those ideas can never be used again? To qualify, they would have to suppress the economy, feature significant internal contradictions, upend centuries of common sense, or feature berserk incentives that in short order make them spin out of control.

    sierra (4be1ff)


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