Patterico's Pontifications


The Latest Candidate for a Bailout

Filed under: General,Humor — Patterico @ 7:00 pm

Sometimes it seems like everyone is lining up for a bailout. iowahawk tells us about the latest money-grubber: Santa.

His case is running into resistance:

“Almost every business in my district has had to adjust to the new economic climate, but SantaCorp seems to believe it can continue with the same old profligate giveaway business-as-usual,” said Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin). “I’m sorry for your situation, but it is difficult to justify giving trillions of US taxpayer dollars to a private company that is outmoded, headquartered offshore, and, frankly, imaginary.”

But Santa claims he’s doing what he can:

Kringle defended the company’s business practices and his reported 4 billion cookie annual salary, saying that the company was “doing the best we can under trying circumstances.” He also blamed the company’s struggles in part on federal environmental and safety regulations.

“Frankly the amount of paperwork you require is astronomical,” said Kringle. “OSHA inspections and reporting requirements have doubled our factory production cycle, and every time I tramp a little fireplace soot into a living room I have to fill out three separate EPA environmental impact reports.”

Read it all.

4 Responses to “The Latest Candidate for a Bailout”

  1. If I change my last name to “Ford”, can I have some money too?

    JayC (3cfe5f)

  2. […] Patterico, who can perhaps provide more background on the Veruca Salt case) Posted by Dan Collins @ 5:13 am […]

    Biased Reporting in Iowahawk Piece about Santa [Dan Collins] (7a2640)

  3. LOL
    Great piece.

    no one you know (1ebbb1)

  4. Once again focusing contempt on the working man while ignoring Bush’s immoral and illegal war. Mile high berms and balloons! Damn elf haters.

    alphie Kringle (994010)

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