Patterico's Pontifications


A Random Conversation with My Five-Year-Old Son Matthew

Filed under: General,Real Life — Patterico @ 8:37 pm

To understand this story, you need to understand two things about my son Matthew:

1) He loves numbers. For example, he loves to calculate the difference between his age and that of his relatives. He will then tell you, say, how old Pop will be when he’s 17, or how old Uncle Justin will be when he is 30.

2) He doesn’t like to be kissed.

As I was putting him to bed tonight, we were talking about how old his mother and I were on the day he was born. I told him that I was 34.

After we got him ready for bed, I gave him a kiss (or eleven). He lay down and said: “Never kiss me again! Not even when I’m 99!”

“99?!” I exclaimed. I decided to play the math game with him again. “Wow! When you’re 99, I’ll beeeeeee . . . ”

“Dead!” he said.

The boy’s got a point.

(But then, he usually does.)

13 Responses to “A Random Conversation with My Five-Year-Old Son Matthew”

  1. I have the most wonderful father I could want.

    He’s my stepfather, really; so I kind of got to interview him for the job. We’ve been father and son, father and family, friends for over 30 years now.

    He’s dying.

    It wasn’t enough time.

    Next time you kiss your son, give him a peck for me.

    EW1(SG) (f2aa26)

  2. I love Matthew and Lauren stories.

    EW1(SG): I grew up believing adopted kids were the luckiest kids because everyone in their family chose to be together, and I feel the same way about step-families today. I’m so sorry about your dad.

    DRJ (c953ab)

  3. Cruel, but fair.

    andycanuck (930d42)

  4. LOL! Great story. M sounds pretty sharp.

    Tim McGarry (9fe080)

  5. 5 year old girls on the other hand insist on hugs and kisses.

    Curtis (e21caf)

  6. Luckily, so do 8-year-old girls.

    When does it stop? I’m worried about that.

    Patterico (cc3b34)

  7. My 25 year old daughter married last weekend. The first person she wanted a hug and kiss from after the ceremony was her pop. She will always be his little girl. When my boys hit adolescence the kisses and hugs to and from their pop morphed into mutual roughhousing and lots of laughter. Kisses and hugs still, just wearing a different face.

    Dana (4d3ea0)

  8. I worry about that, too. We’re on the cusp of twelve and I still seem to be viewed with affection as protector and friend.

    Everyone who’s been through it, however, assures me that my turn in exile will come.

    “It will be the time of ‘just drop me at the mall and get out of my life,'” as one friend so memorably phrased it.

    Thanks to Dana for the reminder that the exile is not forever.

    Tim McGarry (9fe080)

  9. This is what I love about cats. They never say, just drop me at the mall and get out of my life.

    Vermont Neighbor (a066ed)

  10. Awesome, Dana. Congratulations!

    Vermont Neighbor (a066ed)

  11. “He’s dying.

    It wasn’t enough time.”

    – EW1(SG)

    I can’t even imagine the day that I will have to say goodbye to my father.

    My heart breaks for you.

    Leviticus (ab6dbd)


    Krazy Kagu (85a826)

  13. When does it stop? I’m worried about that.

    It doesn’t stop, it just changes. Holding hands at the mall, for example, but not on the way to school (where her schoolmates will see it). She reaching over to kiss you while out to dinner at a restaurant, while you’re fussing over her dinner and dessert but respecting her space and autonomy, then curling up on your lap to tell you that it’s time to go home. She picking out your clothes for the day instead of you picking out her clothes.

    nk (796b84)

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