Of course, if the Democrats do nominate Obama, they really should designate one evening of their convention as “Kenneth Starr, We Apologize” Night.

I don’t know why, but the potential West Virginia whoopin’ is reminding me of Blazing Saddles. Can’t put my finger on it.

Hillary: “Howard Johnson is right!”

Obama: “Oh baby, I am so talented…and they are so DUMB.”

David Plouffe: ” You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.”

Hillary: “Piss on you. I’m working for Mel Brooks!”

I dunno. The reason’s in there somewhere.

Anyway.

Beldar, I’ve been that expert witness many times. My favorite was testifying for a plaintiff in deepest Alabama. The defense attorney found out that I was scheduled to testify in New York in a couple of days. Part of his “cross examination” was asking me “You mean that after testifying here against this outstanding surgeon, you are going to crawl onto an airplane and fly to New York City (!!! Rising inflection ) and testify against another outstanding surgeon ?”

My reply, in my mousiest voice was “No, actually I was planning to walk onto the airplane.”

PS Don’t get sick in “LA,” as the locals refer to Lower Alabama.

“Hix in Stix Nix Pompous Prix” —that’ll get ‘er dun!

1)She loses 2008, Obama wins the nomination and wins the general election. She has virtually ZERO chance of becoming POTUS.

a)Obama does enough to run for a legitimate second term, he’s the incumbent, nobody else is even in the picture.

b)he does a terrible job, the results are catastrophic…the Democrats will pay a heavy price and virtually any Republican candidate can waltz in …probably in a landslide.

2)McCain beats Obama in the general election.

a)McCain maintains his health, does a sound job, the economy rebounds, …McCain runs for another term, he wins in a landslide.

b)McCain fares poorly, she is blamed for Obama “losing” the general election the last time and giving it YET AGAIN to the horrible, dastardly, evil Republicans…Obamas spends four years polishing his image for the 2012 run, filling in all the inexperience gaps and paving over all the extreme radical association pitfalls. Democrats rally behind him from the beginning and never give her a chance to get any momentum.

c)Obama loses in the General Election because his extreme radical ties continue to be vetted in earnest. McCain only runs one term due to some health issue, the war and economy are STILL not on track…Obama is unelectable due to his extremist associations. Republicans offer up a barely recognizable candidate and an independent libertarian type runs on a third party ticket. They split the vote and she wins the straight Democratic ticket voters. This is her ONLY chance of becoming the POTUS…and it ONLY takes place in 2012. Obama has to be damaged so badly, he can’t run a serious campaign. He HAS TO lose in the General Election.

And McCain has to be a one term President. Who has fared poorly. That is her only hope.

Being his Vice President is no good either. He will either serve one term or two. If he is tossed after one term, so is she. If he serves two, then she is too old and the country will be too fatigued of Clinton-itis to give it to her. 2012 is her last chance. Her followers know this as well, and if she concedes but signals a possible run in 2012, they will flock to McCain because they know Obama must be defeated for the dream to be realized.

So, she has to sabotage him at some point to get that opportunity.

The next surprising revelation you’re going to report is that Michelle Obama is miserable and has a negative view of America. Wait…

Q: So, Mr. BigCo Witness, now that we’ve heard your answers to all the questions that Mr. Defense Lawyer had written out to ask you, would you please tell the ladies and gentlemen of the jury just what all you did to prepare for your testimony here in court today?

A: “Prepare”? Why, I’m not sure what you mean. I didn’t really do anything to “prepare” for my —

Q (interrupting): Do you mean to deny under oath that before you came here to testify, you never, ever met with Mr. Defense Lawyer? Are you telling the jury that you and he met for the first time here in the courtroom?

A: Well, no, I mean, of course I met with the lawyers for BigCo.

Q: Aha! I thought so! And where were you and Mr. Defense Lawyer, when you met for the first time?

A: I believe it was at his office.

Q: Mr. Defense-Lawyer’s office? Was it in a conference room, or in Mr. Defense-Lawyer’s personal office?

A: A conference room, I think.

Q: Downtown?

A: Yes, sir.

Q: I’ll represent to you that Mr. Defense-Lawyer’s letterhead says that his firm’s offices are on the thirty-second floor of the ReallyHuge Oil Corporation’s building downtown. Is that your recollection?

A: I suppose so, yes.

Then during closing argument, on rebuttal (after defense counsel has already finished and can’t respond further), the plaintiffs’ lawyer springs the trap:

And now you know, ladies and gentlemen, just what kind of outrageous verdict BigCo and its lawyers want you to render. I was listening along with you to Mr. Defense-Lawyer’s suggestions as to how you should answer these questions. And with every suggestion, it became clearer and clearer what will happen if you actually do follow their suggestions and let them get away with this outrageous conduct. Do you know what will happen?

[Dramatic pause; followed by a whirl to point an accusing finger at Mr. BigCo Witness and Mr. Defense-Lawyer's table:]

Those men in their fancy suits will drive across downtown, back to the ReallyHuge Oil Corp. tower. And they’ll push the button on the elevator for the thirty-second floor, and they’ll walk arm-in-arm to that conference room where they cooked up Mr. BigCo Witness’ outrageous testimony. And they’ll look out the plate glass window from that conference room, looking down on the streets and cars and people like you and me and Mrs. Plaintiff-Victim there.

They’ll look down. And then they’ll laugh. Oh, they’ll laugh fit to bust a gut. And they’ll look at each other, and say to themselves the same vile word that describes what they think of jurors like you, after they’ve fooled them:

Suckers.

If the defense lawyers haven’t seen this coming and taken steps in advance to neutralize it, this can really fan the flames.