Patterico's Pontifications

1/14/2008

I Turn My Nose Up at That Creature

Filed under: General,Humor — Patterico @ 7:06 am



One thing that never fails to amuse is watching Internet commenters discussing attractive women. Invariably, they pontificate about how the women really aren’t that attractive. Instapundit yesterday linked a blog post about the new Bond girl. At the link are several pictures of an attractive woman in her undergarments, together with comments from readers talking about how she is “not that hot” or “[t]oo short” or “way-too-skinny.” My favorite: “I don’t like the skin texture on her thighs and buttocks.”

As you read through the comments, pretend that the guy making them is the Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy. You probably won’t be far off.

45 Responses to “I Turn My Nose Up at That Creature”

  1. I bet these guys who are saying she is ugly, all have hot girlfriends in the Niagra Falls area.

    Those pictures of that girl are so hot, they made Rick Ellensburg switch teams.

    Doug E Fresh (bfbba1)

  2. Eh. In college we would be watching half time and there was always a couch full of guys without girlfriends ragging on the cheerleaders.

    tired (ef0bcc)

  3. Post title winnah of the day. Thanks for the laughs.

    no one you know (1f5ddb)

  4. They don’t like her skin because their only exposure has been to latex. What a bunch of dork/losers!

    tired (ef0bcc)

  5. This phenomenon is a running gag at fark.com.

    gp (72be5d)

  6. For some people high school goes on forever.

    David Ehrenstein (3e4fb8)

  7. Thanks for the link. Amazing the nitpicking that goes on with some folks. She’s smoking hot. Can’t people just appreciate that?

    JWF (95b9a4)

  8. I just wonder how many of those whom find her unattractive have managed to move out of moms basement ?

    Edward Lunny (85f233)

  9. What’s even more amusing is that she doesn’t even really look like that: photography is an art, after all.

    Fritz (babcd1)

  10. I’m at work, so I’ll have to take your word on her hottietudiness. Presuming she’s all you say she is, those guys who claim she’s not good enough for them are confident in the unlikelihood they will ever be presented with the opportunity to quality time with her alone. If so, they’d have to wear Depends on the first date.

    After Britney Spears made her unfortunate appearance on the MTV Whatever Awards, she was all over the tabloids and fan mags that line the checkout counters. As I and a group of guys I didn’t know were waiting in a so-called express lane, we were surrounded by the shots of Brit in her infamous on-stage daze wearing that bikini. All the headlines screamed about how out of shape she was, but one of the guys finally said what the rest of us were thinking — “I think she looks d–n good! I could live with that!”

    So could I, with the caveat I could have the Dr. Hfuhruhurr screw-top brain surgery performed on her.

    L.N. Smithee (d1de1b)

  11. From one of the few good Family Guy lines:

    “Well, apparently beggars CAN be choosers.”

    Techie (ed20d9)

  12. So you read the text, huh?
    I just look at the pictures.

    Nos Nevets (e0b327)

  13. … pretend that the guy making them is the Simpsons’ Comic Book Guy.

    Err, what makes you think they’re “guys”? That is, guys who like girls as opposed to guys who want to be girls. The evidence is that they could not gather a microgram of testosterone between them.

    nk (dda711)

  14. i could dunk her in grand marnier-flavored whipped cream and spend an entire hour licking it off.

    assistant devil's advocate (9bbd9d)

  15. The whipping cream melts too fast. But I can see why you wouldn’t know that 🙂

    ras (fc54bb)

  16. Haha… good point. Stuff like that turned me off of the Superficial. Got tired of my daily dose of eye candy being combined with a heaping spoonful of angst and bitchy comments.

    David N. Scott (5bcf32)

  17. I would sell members of my family in order to MEET that woman. Even family members I like.

    Seriously, the commenters sound like tools. If she walked up to them and asked for their left foot, they’d pull out a hacksaw and start sawing…

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  18. I would actually take this one over that hot babe. The Utah girl runs marathons and serves in the military plus being in the Miss America pageant on the 26th of this month. I think it would really be great to see her win.

    Mike K (6d4fc3)

  19. Mike, you short-sighted fool!

    I’d take both! 🙂

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  20. And the Sgt looks way hotter in her fatigues…

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  21. My favorite Bond girl will always be Maud Adams.

    nk (dda711)

  22. You’re dating yourself again, nk. 🙂

    Scott Jacobs (a1de9d)

  23. As one who is even more dated than nk, I have always been partial to Shirley Eaton, especially her work in the “Carry On” comedies.

    Another Drew (8018ee)

  24. “I don’t like the skin texture on her thighs and buttocks.”

    I don’t like the fact that she won’t let me sleep with her.

    Kevin (4890ef)

  25. Thank you, Patterico.

    I read those comments a few hours ago. I try to be level headed about this stuff but this is the kind of thing that makes women feel sick inside. That girl was so lovely I’ll admit that even *I* enjoyed looking at her, and as far as I know I have no tendencies in that direction :p

    And now I do believe I’ll shut up before I say something I’ll regret. Just thanks for restoring my sense of humor 🙂

    Cassandra (6f0d0c)

  26. yeah she is smoking hot!
    but not matter how hot a woman is, somewhere there is some guy who is tired of her.

    chas (d7c0b2)

  27. Maybe the guys with wives/girlfriends are comparing her to their wives/girlfriends and the guys without are comparing her to, oh, say Jessica Alba. That would explain the differing opinions without the need for the sneering at those who have been less fortunate in life than all you Romeos.

    Doc Rampage (01f543)

  28. Doc, do you mean “There’s no place woman I know like pure imagination? I hesitate to say this, given Patterico’s newer insistence on civility, but she is certainly prettier than “the widow and her four daughters” with whom they have obviously only consorted in their entire lives.

    nk (dda711)

  29. I believe you mean “Rosie Palm and her 5 daughters”…

    And Cassandra, trust me.

    You said plenty. 😉

    Scott Jacobs (c0db90)

  30. Could be, Scott. But the Rosie Palm I know is a character (head “seamstress”) in Terry Pratchett’s Ankh-Morpork (Discworld) stories.

    nk (dda711)

  31. Totally off-topic but this is a blond joke omnibus that a friend just emailed me:

    She was Soooooooo Blonde.
    * She thought a quarterback was a refund.
    * She thought General Motors was in the army.
    * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
    * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
    * At the bottom of an application where it says
    “Sign here:” she wrote “! Sagittarius.”

    She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde…
    * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she
    slept.
    * She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
    * Under “education” on her job application, she put
    “Hooked On Phonics.”

    She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
    * She tripped over a cordless phone.
    * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice
    can because it said “Concentrate.”
    * She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK”
    and “DON’T WALK.”
    * She tr ied to put M&M’s in alphabetical ! order.

    She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
    * She studied for a blood test.
    * She sold the car for gas money.
    * When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice
    instead.
    * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that
    said, “Airport
    Left,” she turned around and went home.

    She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde…
    * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around
    the home, she moved.
    * She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be
    speechless.
    * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in
    the evening.
    * She had a shirt that said “TGIF,” which she
    thought stood for “This Goes In Front.”

    AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

    She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde…

    She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

    nk (95162d)

  32. nk…

    Another Drew (8018ee)

  33. nk…
    May you be kidnapped by the Frito Bandito…

    Another Drew (8018ee)

  34. nk…

    You better hope DRJ doesn’t see your comment.

    Paul (dd77a9)

  35. On the contrary. I hope she will start a blonde joke thread. Blond jokes, too.

    nk (95162d)

  36. Blonde jokes. Whoo hoo!

    no one you know (1ebbb1)

  37. Fark has the same problem. Over there, the catch phrase for the terminally lonely is “She has way too sharp knees.”

    Darkmage (a8ad78)

  38. “Critics are legless men who teach running.”

    Of COURSE all the comments are guys without gfs!!

    Who else would DARE look at another girl and leave blatant PROOF of it right out in the open waiting to be found and turned into a 3-hour fight six weeks from now!?!?

    LOL…

    OBloodyhell (75861b)

  39. OBloody has a point. How many of the posters had a GF or Wife standing behind them?

    Scott Jacobs (425810)

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    snoop babes (6b8516)

  41. Porn3x.org – Free Porn Forum
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    porn3x (fd9300)

  42. Tlove shows up in the thread with the pron spam. Cool.

    JD (75f5c3)

  43. *shakes his head sadly*

    I’m just not gonna comment… I’m just not…

    Scott Jacobs (425810)


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