Patterico's Pontifications

4/6/2006

Movie Reviews in Five Words or Less: Elizabethtown (With Apologies to Jeff Goldstein, from Whom I Stole Both the Concept of the Movie Review in Five Words or Less *and* the Concept of the Post Title That Goes on Forever and Is Far Longer Than the Post Itself) (and with Subsidiary Apologies to the Screenwriter of the Film “The Incredibles,” from Whom I Stole the Post Itself)

Filed under: Humor,Movies — Patterico @ 7:33 pm



Lame, lame, lame, lame, LAME!

P.S. Okay, the film had its moments, especially the car tour of flyover America near the end. But I expect better from Cameron Crowe. “Vanilla Sky” was one of the best movies of the last 10 years. But this? Meh.

14 Responses to “Movie Reviews in Five Words or Less: Elizabethtown (With Apologies to Jeff Goldstein, from Whom I Stole Both the Concept of the Movie Review in Five Words or Less *and* the Concept of the Post Title That Goes on Forever and Is Far Longer Than the Post Itself) (and with Subsidiary Apologies to the Screenwriter of the Film “The Incredibles,” from Whom I Stole the Post Itself)”

  1. Vanilla Sky was one of the best movies of the last 10 years.

    better than the original?

    [Mmmm . . . different. I liked both very much. I probably liked Vanilla Sky a little better. But Abre Los Ojos was great, and The Sea Inside was even better. — Patterico]

    actus (6234ee)

  2. The title is so long that if only three or four people leave comments, it will take up the entire Recent Comments window on the right side.

    JVW (c5e186)

  3. Here’s my initial pop culture quote quiz.

    We wuz robbed.

    “Any customer can have a car painted any color that he wants so long as it is black.”

    “Television has brought back murder into the home – where it belongs.”

    Those who cast the votes decide nothing. Those who count the votes decide everything.

    Those are my principles.
    If you don’t like them, I have others.

    I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.

    A Liberal is a Conservative who hasn’t been mugged yet.

    My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes. (ok, that’s a gimme)

    I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

    Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

    CraigC (8e5f52)

  4. Casey Stengal, Henry Ford, don’t know, Richard Daley, Groucho Marx (Henny Youngman)?, DN, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan, dn, dn

    RJN (c3a4a3)

  5. The metaphysics one sounds like Steven Wright.

    And Patterico, I skipped over the title and read the post first, and I immediately recognized the Incredibles. Do your kids watch it over and over and over and over too?

    jinnmabe (0fb1ed)

  6. You leave Elizabethtown alone!
    12932

    Gbear (6a100c)

  7. If you had really wanted to honor Mr Goldstein, you’d have done your review in haiku.

    [The movie review
    In five words or less is just
    That. Not a haiku. — P]

    Dana (dd8e7e)

  8. Of course Elizabethtown was bad. As Mr Cranky said:

    Writer/director Cameron (“Jerry Maguire”) Crowe’s everyman is an executive named Drew Baylor (Orlando Bloom) who travels to Kentucky to recover his father’s body. Drew designed a shoe, called “Spasmodica,” responsible for losing his company a billion dollars — making his character about as tangible as a space alien. I guess if you’re Orlando Bloom, this is about the only way you’re going to lose your confidence and ignore the hordes of women dropping their panties all around you like porn stars at an orgy.

    Although Drew returns as the family’s biggest success, he laments that it’s just a matter of days before everyone knows he’s a colossal failure. How that particular business failure falls solely on Drew’s shoulders seems mildly amusing until it merely proves a set-up for a cathartic adventure into southern idiosyncrasies and small-town hokum that’s laced with so much bad dialogue and insufferable cuteness that one wishes one could travel back in time and give the Union troops the benefit of tactical nuclear weapons.

    Haven’t seen Vanilla Sky though.

    Leigh (3af625)

  9. Craig C:

    We are dyin’ here. ?????

    RJN (c3a4a3)

  10. Craig C., Comment #4.
    First, sounds like Casey Stengel. The second, attributed to the Ford Model T. The “gimme”, Ronald Reagan. I actually heard it and ran for the bomb shelter. The second to last, Woody Allen.

    nk (4cd0c2)

  11. I just googled craig c’s list and the answers all popped up right at or near the top. What a country.

    RJN (c3a4a3)

  12. Joe Jacobs, Henry Ford, Alfred Hitchcock, Joseph Stalin, Groucho Marx, Tom Lehrer, Frank Rizzo, Ronald Reagan, Woddy Allen and Groucho again.

    RJN (c3a4a3)

  13. I actually didn’t think it was that bad — of course it could be that I was distracted by both Kirsten Dunst and Jessica Biel.

    I also liked Susan Sarandon getting eaten by the car.

    Hoystory (15d1aa)


Powered by WordPress.

Page loaded in: 0.2575 secs.