Large, Not “Venti”
When I order Starbucks coffee, I refuse to use their silly sizes, such as “venti” and “grande.” I insist on ordering a “medium” or “large” — even if they try to correct me:
STARBUCKS EMPLOYEE: You want a “venti”?
ME: I want a “large.”
Somehow, they always figure it out.
Am I the only one who does this?
UPDATE: No, I’m not. See the fourth story down at this link, titled “Clash of the Titans.” It is riotously funny. (Thanks to Justice Frankfurter in the comments for the link.)
The story may or may not be true, but who cares? Like frat-boy James Frey’s “memoirs” or the CBS forged TANG documents, it’s just too good a story to pass up — true or not true.
No. Although I sometimes say “Big-ass coffee, please, ma’am.”
See Dubya (c2cfe0) — 1/28/2006 @ 7:41 pmWhy not just go to Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf where they don’t push foreign languages on you?
Cardinal Martini (88a110) — 1/28/2006 @ 8:13 pmNo, I do the same thing. Moreover, I always order a “small” to go.
Brad (9f37aa) — 1/28/2006 @ 8:22 pmStarbucks?
DRJ (15ed57) — 1/28/2006 @ 8:30 pmHere you go, Patterico–scroll down to the fourth Starbucks story, called “Clash of the Titans,” by Gregg Schultz.
Justice Frankfurter (2dcd84) — 1/28/2006 @ 8:38 pmWhenever I am in a Starbuck’s, I always order a “Medium Coffee” for the same reason you give. I’ve found that if you have the right expression, they don’t try to correct you. I can’t describe the expression since I’ve never seen myself doing it in a mirror, but it’s the same one I use to keep people from handing me a flyer when I’m walking down the street. It also may have something to do with region, as I’ve never tried this west of the Rockies.
MJH (f169c2) — 1/28/2006 @ 10:13 pmHere in Canada, I can order “large” or “venti,” no probs.
Since I generally screw up and get the wrong size using Starbuck-speak, I almost always opt for “large” and never make my wife explain that little smile she gets when I do.
ras (f9de13) — 1/29/2006 @ 2:38 amNumber 5 stole my thunder.
Paul Albers (7494b1) — 1/29/2006 @ 4:02 amStarbucks? Vas is das Starbucks?
I never go to Starbucks. Where I live, for every Starbucks, there are ten other places which sell coffee. I like McDonald’s coffee the best but they never give me enough sugar.
nk (4d4a9d) — 1/29/2006 @ 5:24 amI used to have a problem with this when ordering Domino’s pizza. They went from 3 sizes (small, medium, large) to 2 (medium, large). I would always order a small pizza and occasionally I would get some order taker who insisted I call it a medium. I never wanted to bring up that if you only have 2 sizes, you can’t have a medium, since I was sure they would stomp on my pizza.
sharon (fecb65) — 1/29/2006 @ 6:20 amFoamy the Squirrel’s take on this (and Starbucks in general):
http://www.illwillpress.com/coffeehouse.html
🙂
Eric E. Coe (54a469) — 1/29/2006 @ 7:10 amHeh, yes, but Patterico the problem is, you really should be ordering a 20. Ordering a “large” may just end up getting you a Grande, again because of Starbucks wacked out ordering system.
(They used to offer, and still do in Europe, a short. So it used to be short, tall, grande. They added the venti (20 for 20 oz.) and dropped the short quite a while back, but that’s partly why their system seem as odd as it does.
Joel B. (568776) — 1/29/2006 @ 8:32 amWe-ull, there ain’t no freakin’ Starbucks in Jim Thorpe, so’s I just gets myse’f a 16 ounce coffee, that I pours myse’f in th’ mornin’ on my way to work. I ain’t gots to worry ’bout no stinkin’ venti or grande or nut’in’ else.
Dana (9f37aa) — 1/29/2006 @ 8:49 amAn even better rant from Foamy, directly on this subject:
http://www.illwillpress.com/sml.html
Eric E. Coe (54a469) — 1/29/2006 @ 9:20 amI visit FourBucks once in a while – I am, unfortunately I have to reveal, addicted to caffeine. One time I asked for a Grande Chocolate….the girl could not understand what I wanted until I finally said, “Mocha”. Then everything clicked into place fore her.
Specter (466680) — 1/29/2006 @ 9:23 amThere are two Starbucks in Bern. Neither takes it hard if one orders in German rather than Starbuck.
Their coffe is no better than many other places, but they do offer comfy chairs and one of them has a nice view on a square.
Pigilito (f75664) — 1/29/2006 @ 9:38 amDana,
I find that I can brew a pretty good cup of coffee without going to FourBucks. What did people do before we had these places? When you think about it, it is kind of stupid for any of us to spend the kind of money we do on a cup of coffee that costs about 10 cents to make….lol
Specter (466680) — 1/29/2006 @ 9:57 amOnce a few years ago a friend announced he’d never eaten a Big Mac. This astonishing admission set off a round of revelations of all the usual and common things one might be expected to have done, but hadn’t.
For instance, I’ve never watched an episode of Roseanne, nor have I purchased any designer jeans. Now, I can proudly add never having set foot in a FourBucks.
Black Jack (9f37aa) — 1/29/2006 @ 10:08 amLOL Black Jack. I get my jeans at the “evil” Wal-Mart. Can’t beat their sales – $8 bucks for a pair that last longer than the designer stuff. And I can put my own holes in them….Was with my daughter at Abercrombie a few weeks back. I was amazed what they want for a pair of jeans that look like they were cast off by someone else. ‘Course it was grandma that took her in there…..if it was me we’d be at Wal-Mart.
Specter (466680) — 1/29/2006 @ 10:24 amSenator Specter:
Well, it wasn’t that long ago that there wasn’t any place to get a cup of coffee on the way to work.
Heck, I’m trying to imagine what I’d have said to someone who told me, in 1976, that you could put water in a 16 oz. plastic bottle, and get people to spend $1.25 to buy it.
Dana (9f37aa) — 1/29/2006 @ 10:28 amYou got that right Dana….BTW – don’t call me Senator – I am not the Specter of that fame….thank goodness.
Specter (466680) — 1/29/2006 @ 10:32 amYeah, but it’s so much fun to think of you as the honorable gentleman from my adopted home state, just as I assume that TNugent is Ted Nugent. 🙂
Dana (a90377) — 1/29/2006 @ 11:35 amTall, Grande and Venti. What happened to Short? Once I routinely ordered these for just enough boost for the commute home. A good compromise would be to call the 3 sizes: Large, Larger and Largest.
Wesson (c20d28) — 1/29/2006 @ 11:46 amThey apparently still do have a “short” size but don’t advertise it. My wife pointed me to this article on Slate.
Andy (6feefb) — 1/29/2006 @ 12:01 pm
And, apparently, I don’t know how to link properly 🙂
It’s: http://www.slate.com/id/2133754/fr/rss/
Andy (6feefb) — 1/29/2006 @ 12:03 pmAbout 25 years ago, when I was in the law school library desperately trying to avoid work, I noticed an article in Ms. magazine (yes, I opened that rag once) about different size designations for condoms. The writer suggested avoiding male ego problems by using olive size designations — giant, colossal, super-colossal. Perhaps Starbucks has stolen this line of thinking.
Attila (Pillage Idiot) (88e3e3) — 1/29/2006 @ 6:21 pmWhen I lived in Santa Cruz, I regularly went to Peets on the way to work in the morning. Their ‘short’ latte, at the time, was a total of 8 ounces (combined milk and espresso); I would get a double short.
Then they *eliminated* that size entirely, rebranded their other sizes so that ‘short’ was now 12 ounces. They justified it on the grounds that the 8 ounce cup had required a different inventory item for smaller lids, so this would lead to cheaper operation and lower prices.
The balance of milk::espresso just *isn’t* the same.
aphrael (6b0647) — 1/29/2006 @ 6:25 pmThis reminds me of a story I heard from a boss of mine who was in Texas visiting some clients there. When they went out to eat that night to a steakhouse famous for its hefty, bodacious steaks – he wasn’t that hungry. But there he was in big old, macho Texas and on the menu he spotted a small sized steak. But luckily, its name on the menu didn’t sound too wimpy, so he went ahead and told the waitress that he wanted that steak. Then, with a loud teasing tone, the waitress yells, “Oh, you want that little ol’ 6 oz., child’s size steak, eh? Oh, OK!”
He might as well have made fun of himself and said something like “Yeah, and I’ll be drinking a virgin Piña Colada with that too please.”
Psyberian (1cf529) — 1/29/2006 @ 6:44 pmAttila,
Your comment reminded me of Bill Cosby’s routine about buying his first jock strap. He didn’t know that the designations – small, medium & large – referred to waist size! I’m sure you can guess, or remember, which one he ordered and the inevitable results.
Btw, didja hear about the poor Australian tourist who didn’t know anything about Starbucks? He wanted a large coffee without cream, so he ordered it the way he always did in Australia, by requesting a “long black.” Almost got arrested.
ras (f9de13) — 1/30/2006 @ 12:32 amTheir pretentious nomenclature annoys me to no end. Worse, not all pretentious coffee shops can agree among themselves as to which pretentious word means what. A local cafe near my work place, which isn’t actually Starbucks but “proudly serves” it, uses the word “grande” to mean “large,” and “large” to mean medium. After getting a medium instead of a large for the umpteenth time, I finally started asking for coffee according to the number of ounces. That should work for the next year or two, until some chain gets really clever and starts calling their 16 ounce coffee the “20 Ounce Coffee.”
Xrlq (ffb240) — 1/30/2006 @ 9:09 amSpeaking of James Frey – no relation, I hope?
Milhouse (574189) — 1/30/2006 @ 11:21 amI say, “Venti,” (Italian for ‘twenty’) but if they ask if I want room for cream, I say, “Ah, diciannove, si,” (Italian for ‘nineteen’). They never get it…
Jim D. (de1259) — 1/30/2006 @ 12:30 pmTall, venti or grande don’t bother me. It’s “moons over my hammy” that I refuse to say.
Dayna (3166cf) — 1/31/2006 @ 3:41 pm[…] Coffee makes people uptight. I said as much here last June, and since then more evidence has come in that Starbucks makes people grumpy. Even really nice people. […]
Patterico’s Pontifications » More Lattetudinarianism Needed (421107) — 4/7/2006 @ 9:34 pmBummer, I see you deleted the comment spam promoting breast enlargement for women who want “venti” boobs.
Xrlq (69d423) — 10/30/2006 @ 1:55 pmI usually go to Peets, not Starbucks, but I use the phrase ‘short’, which (a) is a standard modifier for espresso in much of the world, and (b) confuses them.
aphrael (e0cdc9) — 10/30/2006 @ 2:16 pmI also hate the places (like Burger King) that only have drinks and fries in “medium,” “large,” and “extra-large” or “KING-size.” I keep trying to explain that if they have nothing smaller than a “medium” then that size is actually their “small.” It CAN’T be a “medium” if there is nothing smaller. What they have are “small,” “medium,” and “large.” They could have “small” and “large.” They could have “large,” “larger,” and “largest.” But it simply can’t start at m
IndolentCin (ca0847) — 1/10/2007 @ 1:40 pmTHIS IS EXACTLY THE REASON WHY STARBUCKS DID WHAT IT DID: TO SPARK CONTROVERSY AND FOCUS ON IT’S BRAND!!! THEY ARE HIGHLY CAFFINATED EVIL GENIUSES.
CEEKEN (af62a6) — 1/17/2007 @ 2:58 pmBY THE WAY…HOW MUCH DOES JUAN VALDEZ MAKE PICKING COFFEE BEANS?
Is it pronounced “ven-tee” or “ven-tie”?
Star Buck (56a0a8) — 8/25/2007 @ 5:00 pmVen-Tee
Aloysius (15e111) — 10/4/2007 @ 1:14 amJust found this thread. What fun. I solved the problem thusly: I don’t like coffee. I prefer tea, which Starbicks doesn’t have. Oh, they have herbal infusions, but….
dragonflydanser (d7fd9b) — 6/4/2008 @ 7:03 amAccording to Starcrocks, the Venti size contains 24 ounces. (not 20). I am the first born generation of Italian immigrants.(legal ones)
Michael Anthony (56a0a8) — 7/4/2008 @ 3:50 amEspresso is often referred to as Black Coffee.
Until Starbucks, I have never seen or heard of anyone putting milk in Espresso. It’s just not done. One may put a shot of annisette, but never, never milk. The frapps at the above mentioned are delicious and I’m not that upset by the overpricing. What bothers me is a 750calorie coffee. At home I drink coffee with skim milk for a total of 25 calories. Twice this week at Starb’s and I’m feeling very VENTi in my belly.
Ciao! Michael Anthony
Most of you are bloody idiots. You wankers have nothing better to do than complain about the way a business names their drink sizes,come on!! Get a life!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nigel (977005) — 8/13/2008 @ 12:50 pmSays the man performing thread-necromancy…
Scott Jacobs (fa5e57) — 8/13/2008 @ 1:03 pmIf Starbucks is so great, why are they closing so many shops? Ok, the economy and lessened demand for overpriced swill maybe?
I was amused to see that Consumers Reports opines that Starbucks coffee tastes bitter. I guess plenty of people nevertheless like it. Same report says Burger King coffee tastes like dishwater and best of the lot is McDonald’s. Since I loathe Mickey D’s in general, I have not experienced the java. Dunkin’ Donuts’ served coffee always taste fine by me, but not when I make it myself.
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 1:19 pmyour grind is likely too fine, and you probably aren’t using enough… 🙂
But I agree… When buying coffee, Dunkin’ Donuts is what I want…
Scott Jacobs (fa5e57) — 8/13/2008 @ 1:24 pmI seem to remember Starbucks wouldn’t sell coffee that was more than a minute old. That was a good hook, but I think they stopped doing that a while back.
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 1:47 pmI have one of those “greatest coffee ever made” Aeropress coffee makers, but have never made a decent cup with it. So I stick to a regular French press.
South Americans little realize the power they hold over Americans. Imagine an end to coffee imports here and the massive constipation ensuing? Or so I’ve read. How much would we pay for beans? I’ve been in tea stores whose prices are stratospheric for some brews.
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 2:09 pmIf that happened the nation would collapse…
Or there would be a run on Mt Dew and Dr Pepper…
Scott Jacobs (fa5e57) — 8/13/2008 @ 2:10 pmLOL, the nation would collapse.
I would put all my money in Coca Cola stocks.
I know I would be drinking one 6 pack for every cup of joe that I needed!
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 2:14 pmUgh- Mt. Dew. The only coke I find yummy is the original formula in the small green glass bottle. RC Cola is ok too, but a diabetic friend much favors Jolt-twice the sugar and twice the caffeine? Don’t you guys think everything tasted better in your youth? Orange Crush, Cream soda, Moxie, heated Dr. Pepper, etc. I’ve seen recipes for very healthy Italian sodas using acai berries and such.
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 2:23 pmGuess soda can’t be all that bad, considering all the Pepsi Hefner consumed into his eighties.
Yeah the soda did taste better long ago.
Strawberry Crush still tastes the same.
Speaking of Italian sodas.
My Fav right now is Chinotto, could be acai berries.
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 2:42 pmI don’t think there’s much caffeine but it’s delicious. I guess it’s their version of Dr. Pepper.
Oiram-
Have yet to make it and doubt I’d bother whipping up fresh almond milk, but this Dream Soda is said to taste great and be tres healthy:
2 oz. almond milk
2 oz. Acai liquid
1 oz. organic clover honey
6 oz. unflavored sparkling water (San Pellegrino recommened).
Gently stir first three ingredients together and top with sparkling water.
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:02 pmSounds good, where do you get Acai liquid. I don’t even know what that is.
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:07 pmFive ice cubes
Two ounces of Jack Daniels (or George Dickel if they sell it where you leave)
Half an ounce of tap water
😉
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:14 pmwhere you *live*
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:15 pmThe vitamin stores sell it; supposed to be high in antioxidants. I know amazon.com has ready made acai berry drinks and the plain liquid too. My current
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:16 pmAgreed that Jack hits the spot, but last booze I had was an enormous Margarita. It’s great to be away from crappy Pa. liquor state stores and have real selections of whatever you wish..
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:18 pmJack Daniels?
nk, when I finally get up to chicago from drinks, you are NOT ordering my booze…
Scott Jacobs (d3a6ec) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:21 pmIt has been years since I drank, but the stench of Jack Daniels I can still smell. Stick with Bookers, Knob Creek, Woodford Reserve, or the other small batch bourbons.
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:39 pmAcai and pomegranate is a good mixture.
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:41 pmYou want rotgut try that Irish Poocheen (spelling?) or good old American corn whiskey.
Knob Creek is quite fine. I had some really great homemade sake once. Do any of you chew on the hallucigenic worm in some bottles of tequila?
Thanks be to whomever restarted this old post.
madmax333 (0c6cfc) — 8/13/2008 @ 3:46 pmJack and Coke, wonderful drink. All American too.
My friend is on a diet she orders Jack and Diet Coke, but calls it Jack and Diane. I think she had one too man John Cougars back in the eighties.
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 4:10 pmYou can also buy Acai as a frozen paste. Sadly, the berry itself doesn’t travel well.
aphrael (e0cdc9) — 8/13/2008 @ 4:21 pmWhy did soda-pop taste better in our youth?
Another Drew (131739) — 8/13/2008 @ 4:26 pmCould it be that we remember what it was like before they started to substitute corn-syrup for sugar?
And, of course, the diet stuff is just the concoction of the chem-lab.
I’m sure corn syrup is affecting the taste.
You know madmax made a good point about glass bottle coke tasting better.
What I heard is that the best way to keep carbonation is those little glass bottles. Next best is aluminum cans, the worst being those big 2 liter plastic bottles.
Except for the small glass bottles, they have to add a formula to keep the air from leaking out in every other package. That could be a reason why soda-pop doesn’t have the taste it used to have.
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 4:39 pmSo’s mustang urine. You drink that too? 🙂
I’m german by descent. Gimme beer, or suffer my wrath. 🙂
Scott Jacobs (d3a6ec) — 8/13/2008 @ 4:44 pmMustang Urine and coke??? Of course not!
That goes well with 7-up!
FRANZISKANER HEFE WEISSE is my favorite German beer.
Oiram (983921) — 8/13/2008 @ 4:47 pmStarbucks coffee is icky.
TLove (953364) — 8/13/2008 @ 5:02 pmTlove is most certainly not icky 😉
German beer? Feh. German Jaegermeister and AppelKorn, on the other hand …
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 5:07 pmIt has been years since I drank, but the stench of Jack Daniels I can still smell. Stick with Bookers, Knob Creek, Woodford Reserve, or the other small batch bourbons.
Comment by JD — 8/13/2008 @ 3:39 pm
Err, sorry to contradict you JD, but George Dickel and Jack Daniels are not bourbons.
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 5:07 pmConfessions to cleanse the soul….
Another Drew (131739) — 8/13/2008 @ 5:26 pmHave been to a Starbucks once.
Ordered a cup of Joe; black, no sugar.
The coffee at the local do-nut shop tastes better.
nk – My lack of recent experience with the smoky amber liquids is evident.
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:14 pmI was teasing. The “stench” you talked about is sour mash. There’s a lot of good things that have come out of Tennessee but I think sour mash whiskey tops them all.
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:21 pmnk – If I remember correctly, bourbons only come from Bourbon County, Kentucky ?
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:29 pmCorrect.
And seriously… nk, you think Jack Daniels is quality?
*wretchs violently*
Scott Jacobs (d3a6ec) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:32 pmI denounce myself in advance … Carrie Walsh has legs that go all the way to her ass. Good gawd.
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:37 pmWrong thread, boss…
Scott Jacobs (d3a6ec) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:39 pmWithout looking it up, I think “bourbon” is legally defined under federal law. I don’t know if sour mash is defined by federal law but I’m sure it does not fall under the definition of bourbon.
As for Jack Daniels, I like it. After the first drink you don’t know what you’re drinking, anyway. I wake up without a headache and that’s very good too.
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:39 pmOk, I looked it up and there are sour mash bourbons. I’ll have to try them.
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:46 pmnk – Was I correct that in order to be called a boubon, it has to originate in Bourbon County?
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:50 pmYes, you are correct. It’s actually on the books…
Scott Jacobs (d3a6ec) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:51 pmI used to drink, a lot. 😉
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 6:57 pmI make a mean “derby” pie – pecan pie with chocolate chips and bourbon…
TLove (953364) — 8/13/2008 @ 7:03 pmooooooooooooooo Derby pie…
Scott Jacobs (d3a6ec) — 8/13/2008 @ 7:08 pmAdd that to a growing list of “Reasons Why Tlove is Cool”
JD (5f0e11) — 8/13/2008 @ 7:15 pmThis walk down memory lane is likely caused by turning off comments on Justin Levine’s John Edwards posts.
PS: I scanned the old comments and #18 strikes me as most wide of the mark.
Ropelight (4a83c9) — 8/13/2008 @ 7:26 pmIt’s only named after Bourbon County. If you trust Wikipedia. The process makes it a bourbon, not the location. And I am very embarassed conflating sour mash whiskey with Tennessee whiskey. Or maybe not. I am a whiskey drinker not a whiskey scholar.
nk (e69fdd) — 8/13/2008 @ 7:47 pmI think nk is correct.
TLove (953364) — 8/13/2008 @ 7:52 pmAll this talk about coffee. Mmmmm…..excuse me….
love2008 (1b037c) — 8/13/2008 @ 8:12 pmThere is more reason to comment than ever before! Great post! I searched for a while to find the right answer to my questions!
Acai Berry (4f8f8f) — 8/18/2008 @ 3:25 pm