Patterico's Pontifications


(Early) Thursday Morning Catblogging

Filed under: Humor,Real Life — Patterico @ 6:38 am

One of our two cats has developed a habit of getting on our bed by jumping onto my pillow. Usually between 3 and 5 a.m., and usually more than once. As you might imagine, this makes me jolt awake each time it happens.

I am looking into my legal options.

16 Responses to “(Early) Thursday Morning Catblogging”

  1. You have no legal options: the cat wins. The cat always wins.

    There is, of course, the answer in a slogan I saw on a T-Shirt:

    I just had the cat neutered:
    (Now he’s a liberal.)

    Dana R. Pico (8d0335)

  2. Cats will do this.

    Mine, however, had a habit of wanting to wake you up by lying directly on your face.

    Angry Clam (f05866)

  3. Cats can fly. Did you know that? People used to think they sucked the air out of a baby’s lungs at night, but recently it’s been discovered that in the dark of night at 3am they can fly through the air. They just need a little ‘boost’ like a mother bird who shoves her fledgelings out of the nest. Once you show your cat how to fly, it will become more interested in ‘flying’ than jumping on pillows. It may even give up jumping on your pillow at 3am forever. Quad erat demonstratum.

    Jim D. (de1259)

  4. You need to train it to jump on your wife’s pillow instead.

    Kevin Murphy (6a7945)

  5. Hmmm, might try giving him some treat before you go to bed. A lot of attention seeking is food related, I think.

    Patricia (133563)

  6. Push it away and be firm and consistent. After 3 or nights it will usually find a new place. (Mine tries this once every year or so). However, if you show weakness, you’re toast.

    Of course, I might be being too serious. Perhaps it is Arnold Schwarzenegger’s fault somehow, I need to check the paper.

    Insider (ee2e6f)

  7. I had one cat that would sit right by my head and watch me in the morning to remind me it was time for me to feed him. But if I ever overslept my regular wake-up time, he would very, very lightly put his teeth around my nose until I would wake up. Better than any alarm clock.

    Brady Westwater (72f6df)

  8. I had a cat that slept on my head. That was OK, but she was a drooler. Good thing I shower in the morning.

    CraigC (b6a973)

  9. My wife’s cat learned really quickly where the word “cat”apault came from one night when she jumped on my wife and then jumped on my head at three am, my wife says I never woke up (I do talk in my sleep / my wife will tell you I filibuster.)

    I just scooped my hand under the cat’s belly and “apaulted” it across the room.

    I think that the cat still loves me but somtimes she pees on my shoes.

    Thomas (56ab41)

  10. I’ve long been a proponent of the Feline Gravity Test. Which entails blindly tossing said offending feline as far as possible before Gravity finally wins.

    A sound of a one or two cushion bank-shot is a splendidly cathartic reward.


    Jack Deth (ad7f38)

  11. I can think of a solution.

    Veeshir (d4339d)

  12. Thomas said, “I think that the cat still loves me but somtimes she pees on my shoes.” And that is proof of my original, “You have no legal options: the cat wins. The cat always wins.”

    Dana R. Pico (8d0335)

  13. Veeshir:

    You said it: I didn’t. I’m not saying I wasn’t thinking it — but I didn’t say it.

    Patterico (756436)

  14. I had a cat jump on my chest in the middle of the night once. At least, that’s what I think happened. I woke up sitting upright in bed, with the cat just bouncing off the far wall. I presume she had started to jump straight up when she felt me start to move.

    wheels (7cf925)

  15. I used to feed up to six or seveen racoons at a time while I was writing at my home in Malibu. Eventually, theybecame tame enough that they brought their babies in and let me pet them.

    They even learned how to jump on on the kitchen counter and turn on the water fawcet so they could wash their hands and their food.

    The funniest thing, though, was when I would give them potato chips, they took them over to wash them in the bowl of water I gave them – they would disappear.

    But one night one of them had gone to sleep without my seeing him and when he woke up in the dark, with the door shut, he went running into my bedroom and starting jumping up and down on my chest, almost giving me a heart attack.

    Finally, later when I sold the house and moved, and they found the door locked at night, they would take out the louver windows with their paws and come into the new owner’s bedroom and demand their food.

    Brady Westwater (72f6df)

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