Patterico Works to Save Your Relationship
Females: pay attention, and never, ever, ever make the mistake this civil defendant made:
The summary judgment record, viewed in the light most favorable to the plaintiff, Coveney v. President & Trustees of the College of the Holy Cross, 388 Mass. 16, 17 (1983), establishes the following facts. The plaintiff and the defendant were in a long-term committed relationship. Early in the morning of September 24, 1994, they were engaged in consensual sexual intercourse. The plaintiff was lying on his back while the defendant was on top of him. The defendant’s body was secured in this position by the interlocking of her legs and the plaintiff’s legs. At some point, the defendant unilaterally decided to unlock her legs and place her feet on either side of the plaintiff’s abdomen for the purpose of increasing her stimulation. When the defendant changed her position, she did not think about the possibility of injury to the plaintiff. Shortly after taking this new position, the defendant landed awkwardly on the plaintiff, thereby causing him to suffer a penile fracture.
Yes, that’s my emphasis. You read that right. Those are two words I never want to be uttered in the same sentence as my name.
Although this was generally a position the couple had used before without incident, the defendant did vary slightly the position previously used, without prior specific discussion and without the explicit prior consent of the plaintiff. It is this variation that the plaintiff claims caused his injury. While the couple had practiced what the defendant described as “light bondage” during their intimate relations, there was no evidence of “light bondage” on this occasion.
I’m sure we all appreciate this level of detail. Now: why did the woman’s actions create enough of a problem to turn a “long-term committed relationship” into a lawsuit? The answer is simple:
The plaintiff’s injuries were serious and required emergency surgery. He has endured a painful and lengthy recovery. He has suffered from sexual dysfunction that neither medication nor counseling have been able to treat effectively.
My legs are currently crossed just thinking about this.
Ladies, save your long-term committed relationships. Take a lesson from this judicial decision. Don’t do these things “unilaterally.” Have that “prior specific discussion.” Get the “explicit prior consent of the plaintiff.”
And as the guy used to say on Hill Street Blues: let’s be careful out there.
(Via How Appealing.)
I don’t get it. Can you show us a picture? Or how about a diagram?
Walter Guest (b56fb6) — 5/16/2005 @ 11:04 pmHehehe….”lengthy recovery” [/beavis]
Christopher Cross (b7fd05) — 5/16/2005 @ 11:38 pmThat story is making me hurt in places where I don’t even have places.
jaed (0f890e) — 5/17/2005 @ 3:01 amFracture indicates a bone. As far as I know, the human male is the only mammal on earth without an actual bone in that particular area.
kimsch (788f06) — 5/17/2005 @ 7:13 amQuote http://robbiefulks.com/bboards/?action=readtopic&topic=00386&forum=001&start=1201
Cecil has heard about some stupid injuries in his day, but penile fracture takes the cake. Offhand you’d think the penis would be immune to fracture, since it contains no bones. It does get rigid, however, and things that get rigid can break. At risk are the corpora cavernosa, the two tubelike masses of tissue that run through the center of the penis. They become engorged with blood during sexual arousal and cause the penis to become erect. Each corpus cavernosum is covered with a fibrous sheath, which during erection gets stretched pretty thin. A sudden jolt in the wrong place and you could pop like a balloon. In severe cases, the urethra (through which urine passes) and the outer sheath of the penis can also be damaged.
Most men recognize their vulnerability and take appropriate precautions, but a few meatballs evidently don’t. As of 1985, about 180 cases of penile fracture had been reported. In about a third, fracture occurred as a result of what is called–and leave it to the French to have an expression for this–a faux pas de coit. Here are some typical cases:
– “A 31-year-old man was having sexual relations approximately 1-1/2 hours before admission to the hospital. He _missed the introitus_ [and] hit the perineum [the area behind his partner’s genitals],” causing his penis to fracture (my emphasis).
– A 67-year-old minister, obviously taking the parable of the good seed to heart, was having intercourse when his “penis rammed [the] mattress.” He began to bleed profusely and experienced pain and swelling.
– “A 26-year-old male … experienced sudden acute pain and prompt detumescence during vigorous coital activity. The episode was associated with an audible cracking sound [and] his penis became grossly swollen.”
Now, far be it from me to add insult to injury, but how could you be so klutzy that you “missed the introitus”? Admittedly the target is small and the visibility isn’t the best, but we’re talking point-blank range here.
The other cases are just as goofy. Frequently the victim suffers the injury while kneading his member in order to reduce an erection, a technique that in my experience usually has the opposite effect. One moron “awoke during the night with a desire to urinate,” whereupon he “hit his erect penis with his hand in order to alleviate this desire.” Other reported causes: rolling over in bed, hitting the bedpost, getting caught in your pajamas, falling out of a tree, being thrown against the knob of a motorcycle saddle, and so on.
Fracture always occurs during erection, making you wonder what some of the victims were up to. Consider one case involving a 38-year-old ranch hand. “The [medical] history was vague and difficult to obtain,” the reporting physician writes. “The injury had occurred in the corral. It was impossible to get the exact details…. His family was of the opinion that he had been kicked by one of the horses.” Tell it to Catherine the Great, buddy.
In the old days treatment consisted of splinting, ice packs, insertion of a catheter (sometimes), and rest, augmented by drugs to suppress erection while the injury healed. However, such treatment sometimes resulted in permanent deformation and inhibited sexual performance. Accordingly, many doctors today recommend repairing the damage surgically–not a pleasant thing to watch, judging from the pictures. The operation is fairly straightforward, but there’s obviously not much room for error. One thing’s for sure: if this ever happens to you, make sure you get a surgeon who’s more coordinated than you are.
–CECIL ADAMS
Yi-Ling (795545) — 5/17/2005 @ 8:15 amThank you Y-Ling.
kimsch (788f06) — 5/17/2005 @ 10:44 amActually the decision was that she wasn’t legally obligated to get prior consent which I am not convinced would have been refused in any case. I don’t think most people would expect serious injury from this sort of mishap. I suspect it was a bit of a fluke although of course it is always prudent to be careful.
James B. Shearer (fc887e) — 5/17/2005 @ 12:00 pm.. thank god it didn’t end up in someone’s chili.
Vermont Neighbor (40e0a4) — 5/17/2005 @ 4:35 pmVermont Neighbor:
You win my vote for best comment of all time.
Patterico (756436) — 5/17/2005 @ 5:52 pmChili? The usual size ones are about 3-4 inches and the petite small ones are about 1 inch. The power pack in the petite one versus the usual sized ones are about 1000: 1 times. 🙂
Yi-Ling (efb66a) — 5/17/2005 @ 8:27 pmThanks. Can I have your children?
Vermont Neighbor (40e0a4) — 5/18/2005 @ 12:59 amHmmm…. Is this a reference to “Chili? The usual size ones are about 3-4 inches and the petite small ones are about 1 inch. The power pack in the petite one versus the usual sized ones are about 1000: 1 times” OR “You win my vote for best comment of all time.” ?
Yi-Ling (592b23) — 5/18/2005 @ 5:38 amre: #9
Vermont Neighbor (40e0a4) — 5/18/2005 @ 10:15 amI’m easily wooed. Patterico’s natural charm swayed me.
Thank God or my husband would be wondering why 🙂
Yi-Ling (99d721) — 5/18/2005 @ 10:18 am