People have expressed annoyance that my last post wasn’t nearly characteristic enough of my, well, “unique” style.
In order to humor all of you, I’ve decided to post an entry on the one thing that upsets me more than anything else. It upsets me more than affirmative action, socialist economic policies, and all the other stupidities I’m saddled with as a resident of California.
This is primarily because, unlike those other things, which spring from horribly idiotic and misguided reasoning, there is absolutely no reason for what I’m about to rail against.
I swear that I’m going to order the execution of people who still cling to the “two spaces after a period” rule in this modern era of proportionally spaced fonts.
Absolutely nothing is more offensive to the gods of aesthetics than this rule. It makes typewritten documents look like junior high school book reports, and interrupts the flow of the eye between sentences, not to mention generally increasing distracting white space in what are often double-spaced documents.
This convention irritates me to the point that I yelled at an attorney who suggested that I correct my single space after a period in a document I prepared for him. For ten minutes. All about how I find the two spaces rule personally and morally offensive.
The worst part about it is not just how ugly it looks- it’s the assholes who love to point it out to others. I’m not talking about those who sometimes notice it, I’m talking about that person- and you all know at least one, admit it- who is consumed by the desire to correct us, the benighted souls who actually use modern word processing properly. This correction is always done in a smarmy manner, and is often condescending, as if explaining the use of a question mark to a retarded child.
If I ever get onto the bench, I swear I’m going to make, and enforce, a courtroom rule that all documents filed or lodged with the court must include only one space after a period. I will employ one of my clerks, or better yet, one of my externs, solely to check documents for compliance with this rule. Any attorney failing to observe the rule will be subject to Rule 11 sanctions and/or being held in contempt of court, at my preference.
I’m dead serious about this.