Patterico's Pontifications

6/29/2004

Emily Latella Temporarily Seizes Control of the Blog

Filed under: Humor — Patterico @ 7:21 pm

I won’t pay money to see “Fahrenheit 9/11.” But I’ll tell you what I will pay to see: a heavyweight bruiser named Eliseo Castillo kicking Michael Moore’s ass.

You heard right. I saw an ad for it on TV. For some bizarre reason, probably having to do with his incessant quest for publicity, Michael Moore has agreed to a boxing match with someone named Eliseo Castillo. The fight will be held on Saturday, July 3, and will air on Showtime.

It seems almost certain that Moore will be pummeled into a quivering mass of bruised and bleeding flesh by the time you and I are ready to celebrate our country’s birthday. According to Castillo’s biography:

In 18 pro outings, Castillo has knocked out 78 percent of his opponents (14). The list of fighters who have gone the distance against him is as exclusive as the number of presidents on Mount Rushmore (four). In addition, the world has more living Popes (one) than boxers who have defeated Castillo (zero).

That fat lying bastard of a “documentary” maker doesn’t stand a chance.

I don’t believe in making threats against public figures I don’t like, but this is different. Moore has volunteered for this fight, and it is my right — even my duty — to root for Eliseo Castillo to punch Michael Moore’s pasty white ass into the ground.

I’m calling to subscribe to Showtime right now.

Wait . . . I’m being handed a piece of paper. One moment . . .

Uh, I’ve just been informed that Castillo is really fighting a guy named Michael Moorer.

Never mind.

5 Responses to “Emily Latella Temporarily Seizes Control of the Blog”

  1. crap – I knew it was too good to be true

    Frank G (6aae41)

  2. Yeah . . . I had a regular reader tell me he thought it wasn’t funny — but he hadn’t seen the Emily Latella reference. When I explained it, he said: “Okay, I give you partial credit.”

    I think I need a new category for “Attempted Humor.”

    Patterico (932d2f)

  3. To quote Charlie Brown, “Auuuuuggghh.”

    steve M. (7142fd)

  4. Damn! No pics of Moore beaten to a bloody pulp. Oh well.

    donna (8355e7)

  5. Yeah Emily you were right Castillo was and did beat Mooerer’s a*ss. I personally Know Castillo I use to be his Brother’s Girlfriend who is also a heavy weight boxer and I can tell you these guys are really good just like the rest of the guys in their team. They train really good and eat like crazy to keep them huge like that, I was in the kitchen most of the times cooking for Eliecer then we were doing anything else. I had tickets to go to the fight which I got here at work since we were promoting the fight on the radio station I work for but I couldn’t go. I heard it was awesome.

    Marlen (0e46d1)


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